Ramblings of an SCUM

2007-11-02T19:46:00.002+08:00

It has finally dawn upon me after all these years, it was just an infatuation with Kelly, npt love. I trully love me dearest wifey now.

2007-11-02T19:46:00.000+08:00

It has finally dawn upon me after all these years, it was just an infatuation with Kelly, not love. I trully love me wifey now.

2007-10-28T01:01:00.000+08:00

I dedicate this new post to my beloved. The one true love of me life. And to those of you who haven't already knew, there now exist a person, a lovely lovely girl who has to bear with this scum, namely me and listen to my incessant ramblings, hence the low frequency of posts here, when its so much easier to just talk to her. Allow me to present to you, my lovely wife, Xiang.

Ok this is the part of the blog where I 'll showcase and present her lovely photo. Minor technical hitch. I dunno how to do it. Anyway, she'l lovely. She brought whole new meaning to my life. She is now my life.

It's been nearly a year already when I quite possibly made the one single committment that prior to it been one that I wouldn't haven even contemplated. I got married. Yes, me, married. Married to a girl of my dreams. In a marriage with a great girl. Someone who loves me unconditionally, whom I love with all my heart, every single blood splurting artery.

She's definitely the girl I love the most in my life, the one whom I will denounce all my past affections for, every single one of my former loves(Ok granted, there was only Kelly and Ann) are now utterly and completely replaced by her. My wife. My beloved. My Xiang.

2006-07-07T07:03:00.000+08:00

Life and fate have this cruel and sadistic ways of playing tricks and joke on people. It wasn't so long ago that I was so certain that my heart is dead and would not have the courage to love anyone again. Boy was I wrong.

From the moment I saw her, I knew she was someone special. The twinkle in her eyes, the impish smile betrayed the angelic face to reveal the devilish fiend inside her. There are pretty girls and there are pretty girls that's just facinating. She's one of the sweetest cutest little thing I ever laid eyes on. Yeah right, its so much easier to love a girl when they are young, pretty, cute and delicious. I kid you not when I say if she turns into a pimpled pus spewing blob of conjugated grease and cholesterol, I'll still love her. I love her not because of her physical beauty(While it certainly did help in the beginning), its everything about her. Her intelligence. Her nature. Her strength. Her clumsiness. Her rascalness. Her veracity. Her imperfections. Her.

2006-06-18T06:39:00.000+08:00

To say I'm surprised by myself is an understatement.

There's definitely something about this girl that's really special. Something that make me do things all so differently.

Bah, not in a writing mood.

Love ya dear.

See! Its a big deal that I'll let a girl in to my private sanctuary, the inner reaches of my mind. I must be stark fucking raving mad this time.

2006-04-04T08:13:00.000+08:00

8 years ago today my best friend passed on.

既生瑜，何生亮？

My dearest friend, I miss you.

2006-01-07T19:25:00.000+08:00

普通朋友 - 陶吉吉 
    曲︰陶吉吉
    詞︰陶吉吉

    等待　我隨時隨地在等待
    做你感情上的依賴
    我沒有任何的疑問　這是愛

    我猜　你早就想要說明白
    我覺得自己好失敗
    從天堂掉落到深淵　多無奈

    我願意改變 〔WHAT CAN I DO?〕
    重新再來一遍 〔JUST GIVE ME CHANCE〕
    我無法只是普通朋友
    感情已那麼深　叫我怎麼能收手

    但你說 I ONLY WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND
    做個朋友　我猜妳心中只是
    JUST A FRIEND 不是情人

    我感激妳對我這樣的坦白
    但我給你的愛暫時收不回來
    SO I 我不能只是 BE YOUR FRIEND
    I JUST CAN'T BE YOUR FRIEND

2005-12-24T13:47:00.000+08:00

Nobody owes me a living, and nobody ever owes me anything(exception being those who owes me money, yes I expect the money to be returned somewhere in this lifetime).

Its quite often that you'll meet people, frens who sometimes go about life complaining about how they have been shortchanged, how the world has been terribly unfair to them. And sometimes by their own wallowing, expects to be treated with exception and that the normal rules of engagement do not apply to them. Wrong!

There's a fren that I have got to know recently, and I must say I'm very impressed by his maturity and his spirit. His name is Derek. Life haven exactly been kind to him since childhood since he was born special or rather quite differently from most people, he had 'gifts'. His childhood memories were of one battering to another. Instead of withdrawing into a shell and curse the world for his misfortune, as do some cancer patients berating at God and asking why me. It made him dig deep. Deep inside himself to find the strength and resolve to come out tops. He holds on to the bad memories dearly as if to serve as a reminder to continually strive to become better.

My advice to all who feel aggrieved or going through bad patches. Tough luck, get over it. Nobody owes you a living, Nobody owes you anything, if things do not turn out the way you hope, blame nobody. Its not God's fault that he does not beam upon you his blessings, lightning bolts maybe, blessings I have my doubts. Its not the competition's fault that they are better than you, everybody wants to win. This is life, live with it. If your life have been in the troughs all the while, I'm not going to tell you it'll get better, because I do not know if it turns up or down from here. I'm not God, and I think God probably don't care about a tiny insignificant pipsqueak like you. I won't encourage wallowing in the marsh of all encompassing self pitiness, its pathetic. Yeah go ahead complain to anyone and everyone who would listen about how pathetic your life have been, its only going to reinforcetheir original belief that you are a worthless spineless bag of mucus and treat you with further disdain. Neither am I the optimist who will encourage you to look on the bright side especially when it isn't all that bright. Like comparing how fortunate you are to the leper whoose family jewels just got physically detached from his torso, or the starving negros in godknowswhere africa, or Quasimodo. Shining happy people holding hands only serves to reinforce their complacencies.

Dig deep, and resolve to make yourself better. Not to get back at all who had done you wrong, or had laughed at you when you're down, but because its the only thing to do. Life's too short to be consumed by hatred, spite and revenge. Accept without being resigned. Fight without being vengeful. Shit happens, like it or not you have to live with it, its how you deal with it that defines you.

All being said and done, I'll still extend a warm invitation to all who still needs some time to distance their nostrils from the putrid air of shit. Just ask me out for a drink, preferably if you'll pay for it. Yeah go ahead and complain to me, I'll look like I'm listening to you, but I'm actually gawking at the skimpily dressed babe at the corner of the room, and you'll be none the wiser because all you ever care about is you, yourself and your own problems, but I'll garantee you that you'll feel much better for the few hours at least. All after effects from hangover are not directly attributable to me, and thank the stars I don't need to be there beside you handing out the hot towels. Merry Christmas.

2005-12-14T00:15:00.000+08:00

To all my frens who have to put up with my ranting and ravings this week passed about how perfect this woman is, live with it, its here to stay. And no, its not her fault she's anatomically flawless, neither is the fact that while she's quirky, it's just reflections in the mirror for me, and we all know how much I love myself. While all former gfs had some redeeming qualities which I'll consistently use as mitigating factor whenever I consider breakup, she seems perfect in every way to me. In fact, she seems a little too perfect, almost sacred. It is in fact all together a rather frightening experience for me, I'm usually too picky, and harp on defects about potential love, most of it being character wise, and sometimes it's like I'm forcing myself to like the person. Hey I mean its ridiculous if from the start, I can't accept how the person look, it won't matter if I find difficulties in compliances later, I won't bother assessing if they fail the looks department. And to all you who thinks that I'm shallow, truth be known is that I'm not. While most of my previous gfs are good looking, we didn't end up together because of character incompatibility. While I do admit that there is a certain minimum level of superficial qualities before I will consider someone, this minimum requirements aren't of particularly high standard! I actually look at what's inside, the values, the principles, character, and these are the ones that are important to me. While it did helped at first that she's gorgeous, the reason why I'm so very much attracted to her now is that she got a beautiful soul. While this is a bit farfetched, and I think the attraction I have for her is one-sided, but it certainly did come as a surprise to me after I saw how much she loves kids, that if we were to get together one day, I will not do my usual pulling all stunts to dissuade gf to not wanto have kids, if its kids she wants, then its kids she'll get. Considering how much I hate kids this is a big deal. Bah, its just wishful thinking on my part.

2005-12-03T19:24:00.000+08:00

Its been 4 months yeah from my last entry, quite possibly the longest hiatus I've taken from blogging, been drinking myself silly in the time transpired. Oh well, very grateful for my 2 drinking buds who put their liver on the line while I spend time getting over what might be the most difficult breakup I had.

For the first time in possibly 17 years I celebrated my birthday this time round, and was nice for once to actually be with frens who drank with me.

Nov 28 came and went.

Have also gotten to know someone who I was instantly attracted to, and quite possibly the single most attractive woman I've known my whole life barr 1.

2005-07-16T13:17:00.000+08:00

Officially single again, just broke up with my gf yesterday. Saw it coming 1 month into the relationship that it couldn't last more than 3 months. It didn't. In retrospect now that its over, I realised that while I was in it, all I wanted was just to win, it seemed that we spend more time fighting and arguing than on anything else. And I think this relationship is really like learning how to swim at the beach, while you're in water, you feel like its horrible, eyes stinging, gushes of salty water into the mouth, water resistant that slows you down. But when you step out of the water and onto the beach, the sea is beautiful. It truly was.

2005-06-11T17:38:00.000+08:00

Deigo Maradona sets foot in Naples after 15 years!!
The only 2 Serie A titles won by southern Italian teams was achieved during Maradona's era in Naples with Napoli. Th acrimonious split came about when Maradona's Argentina defeated Italy in Italia 90 in of all place, San Paulo Naples. Where ater the world cup, amid allegations of drug abuse, Maradona fled the country to Spain. Diego's return to Naples was in tune with Cirro Ferrara's testimonial match comprising of past Napoli legends and Juventus's where he spent the later part of his career chalking up more Scudettos. Ferrara and Maradona was part of the great Napoli team in the 80s which included other great players like Careca, Alemoa, Fernando De Napoli, Andrea Carnevale, Bruno Giordana and Salvatore Bagni. Just like the Scudetto will never be won again by a Southern Italian team, we'll prolly never see a player as skillful and magnificent as Maradona.

2005-06-04T13:35:00.000+08:00

Just the other day, one of my fren asked me this," How many goals have you scored so far?"
I've never really thought about this before and after nearly 20 years of playing football, I had lost count, but it would not have been an exaggeration to say I have scored at least 2000 goals, competitive and non-competitive. Well, I take my soccer very seriously and maybe there's no such thing as a non-competitive game for me, I'll put life, body and limbs on the line everytime I play. Then he asked me which of the goals was the most memorable and gave me most pleasure. That sets me thinking again, there were certainly memorables one, 30m blast, slalom runs thru entire defences from midfield, free kicks, corner flags, tap ins, 20m lobs over keepers, last min winners, I've scored the lot. The one that really brings a smile to me everytime I think of was my only headed goal. I was in the naval officers academy then and we traditionally have a game against another group that was also on course at the same time, called the NJ-NW games. The funny thing was that except for a few additions, the game was actually an inter-39th midshipman batch, where those returning from studies form my group and those that had continued to serve the NW group. We lost the game 4-0, and felt really hard done by, for we had 20 over shots on goal and I myself had 7 shots, which were all off target after I ran the guantlet of sliding tackles. The opposition had 4 chances and converted all of there. There could not possibly been a more lopsided scoring line that totally do not reflect the game. Being the bad loser that I am and the captain of the team, I challenged them to a rematch to right the injustice. The resulting game ended 4-1 in our favour and I scored my only headed goal to date. Those that know me from playing football will know that I am absolutely horrible with headers, perhaps one of my weakest techniques in the game. The goal came about when Jason, who was my batch boy sent in a wonderful cross from the right and I was totally unmarked, I can still remember the way I rose and planted the header beyond the keeper. I believe it would have been picture perfect. It wasn't the greatest goal nor the most skillful nor the most important I've scored, but it certainly was my favourite. Perhaps when I die, and hopefully at either the pearly gates, I can ask St Peters how many goals I've scored this lifetime, and in exchange I'll go burn in hell, I'll still wanto know. :P

2005-05-31T18:48:00.000+08:00

Last saturday as I was accompanying my rotund fren in Sim Lim buying his new PC so that he was able to join the horde in their fight in WOW, I saw something that startled me. At the corner of my eye I saw a girl who was outside the shop that was potentially a mind blowing beauty. I excused myself quickly and went outside to take a second look. She was like wow, wow and more wow. Jaw dropping, mind blowing, senses numbing, and heart palpitating beautiful. mid 20ish, tall, slim and absolutely stunning. Despite her wearing eye glasses, which must have been supreme confidence on her part, she was still exuding radiance and elegance. She's easily the prettiest girl I saw this year bar none. Perhaps girl here is not the right word as woman would have been more apt. There was a look of sophistication added to sensual sassiness and elegance. Qualities not found in girls in their teens and early twenties no more how they might fake it. Her? She had them in abundance. After being visually stunned wide jaws agap momentarily, I saw the bf accompanying her. Erm, no comments(Its not nice to say bad things about ppl I do not know, they may turn out to be the nicest of nicest ppl). Surely there must be something in him that a girl such as herself saw and I shall leave it at that. Cheerios.

2005-05-19T21:41:00.000+08:00

To hell with all the horoscope books that says 2 scorpios are a great union. Now I know how horrible a BF I had been, because its really a case of eating my own medicine with spit. We divulged nothing, always second guessing one another, our pride refusing to give way in an argument, and we start arguments for the sake of starting a fight only to dwell deeper into each other's mind, each sentence seems to be always ladened with an alternate meaning, its like both of us are playing a game of chess with each other, trying to manipulate the mind of the other yet always the game ends in a tie, with lotsa skillful maneuvering to paint the I'm right picture. Never had I been in the losing end of an argument with a GF before, always claiming outright victory and making the gf feel so bad that she was wrong, now I just have lots of unfinished arguments with neither party feeling satisfied and the argument saved for another day without any solutions. And the worst thing is that we keep all our deepest darkest secrets yet always prying at the other's, knowing that each other is throwing smoke screen(All the canned things we tell all our friends, true stuff but very superficial level). It was ok with gfs of other horoscope, they think they know the shit about me when they actually don't, and I could satisfy myself when I completely know their character inside out and how they work, both are happy. With this one, sure its mentally challenging and somehow keeps me thinking and analyzing about every bouts and continual guessing, sometimes thinking I've got everything figured out and then got dropped a bomb and its back to the drawing boards. Maybe thats what they meant when the books say scorpios are perfect union, because they keep each other interested with the constant mind games and both dun wanto lose so badly they lived with each other even though each try to make it a living hell for the other. Or maybe, the books are just trying to let us know how horrible a partner we are and we deserve each other....Crap!!

2005-04-23T17:44:00.000+08:00

There was this article on Goal.com about England's problems with left side of midfield

Personally I feel that there's nothing wrong with a 4-4-2 formation, even in today's footballing context, provided that there's a proper game plan, the players to make it work and whether other tactical considerations are accounted for.
If I remember correctly, the last time teams had any success playing predominantly the wingers 4-4-2 was Man U in their treble season, and Blackburn during their championship winning season. Why the system worked then was that the players played to their strengths, Man U had Dwight Yorke who was awesome in the air despite his stature, and Paul Scholes who always seem to be able to predict exactly where the ball would be. Blackburn had Alan Shearer, and we all knows how good he is with his headers. England simply do not have such strikers in their arsenal anymore, despite being famed for producing the traditional big centre forward. Emile Heskey as we all know simply isn't prolific enough, although his all round play do contribute to the team.
Milan if you like was actually playing a 4-2-2-2 formation instead of the traditional. Which is in fact I would feel what modern football is evolving to be the most dominant formation. As correctly pointed out, in today's game, its the fullbacks that gives the team wide when attacking, played to devastating effect by Cafu, Kaladze and Zambrotta. It also hasten the emergence of the modern centre midfielder, players who can shoot, defend, tackle, pass and sometimes take on players. These breed of players no longer conform to the ideals of defensive midfielders, ie Deschamp, Roy keane or even Viera, or attacking midfielders like Zidane, Luis Garcia, Ronaldino or my personal favourite Matt LeTissier. Today's game at the highest level needs attacking options from all over, and its what these players provide. Players like Xabi Alonso, Lampard, Steven Gerard, Micheal Ballack, Pirlo, De Rossi, even Fabregas will be what future midfielders need to emulate. Players who can seek out their team-mates with a 40 yards pass, or a slide-rule defence splitting pass, taking a shot that doesn't in all probability end up in the grandstand, yet able to cover the defence either when being counter-attacked or under pressure. In fact, Benitez have grasped this and if injuries do not hamper his selection, Liverpool do look extremely potent in attacking, overlapping fullbacks in Riise and Finnan provide width where Xabi can find them with ease. Big man Morientes to score with his head, and Baros to latch on to fast breaks, Luis Garcia to play in the hole. There would not be only one avenue for attack.
England do in fact look well poised to evolve into such a team, with Ashley Cole, Gerard, Lampard, Joe Cole, Owen, if only Sven would get past blind loyalty to players like Beckham and Gary Neville.
It would however be a waste if wingers do become obsolete, how can one forgets the artistry of wing plays of these true wingers like Garrincha, Roberto Donadoni, Guiseppe Lentini and Ryan Giggs.

2005-03-29T00:17:00.000+08:00

Woohoo, me goddamn blog is 1 year old....happy birthday to my goddamn incessant grumblings on the internet. I'm pretty damn sure I've started my career of making life miserable on the net many epoches ago with my slapping of ppl with large stinking trout over IRC, my SL606 'death and decay' spells in archmage, and my bbq flames in various forums, this blog is just another weapon of mass destruction of mine to spread pain, agony and desolution over the net. Mwahahahah.....and Happy Birthday to my Goddamn Blog!!!!

2005-03-21T22:17:00.000+08:00

Finally, the garnment anti-smoking propaganda machine loses steam in its prosecution of smokers in the recently conducted polls to deliberate over banning more places as to where smokers can light up. As reported in the ST today, an overwhelming majority of patrons to coffee shops and pubs are decidedly against the ban in such establishments, which in reality are the last bastions of defiance where smokers are holding out against. If coffee shops and pubs do get the ban imposed, soon places like parks beaches and traffic light junctions will follow suit and smokers will only be able to light up in the privacy of their homes and hotels. The act of smoking will be almost as private as having sex, out of sight, out of earshot since no one will be able to smoke anywhere in public anymore. Let's hope policy makers are rational enough and not get caught up by the euphoria. Keeping toes firmly crossed!

2005-03-15T01:14:00.000+08:00

Teams who win 1-0 win titles and trophies.
Like it or not, year in year out the team that gets crowned league champion is almost inevitably the team that concedes the least goals. Defence wins you titles, fantastic goal scoring prowess is a bonus. Take the league leaders in Spain Italy and England as of today, all of them conceded the least number of goals respectively in their league. Chelsea 9 goals, Milan and Juve 17 and 16 respectively and surprise surprise even Barca is ahead in this department by a sizeable margin of 7 goals from Real at 18 goals. I'm not all that surprised at Barca's improvement, they've always had a strong attack and when Rijkard came in undoubtedly having been plying his trade in perhaps the most miserly team ever in AC Milan, he turned Barca into the dominant force leading La Liga by a whooping 10 points. Man U's recent run of form which started from Nov 04 also coincide with the best defensive run ever by Man U. Teams that score truckloads of goals at the expense of defence usually end up quite some margin behind in terms of league point from the leaders. Think Inter, Roma and of cos Arsenal who scores 14 more goals than Chelsea yet 10 points behind.

Even for teams that are unable to compete for precorious striking talents at exorbitant prices, a good defence is priceless. Everton and Sampdoria are example of this brand of football. If a team don't concede a goal, there's only 2 possible outcomes for the game, a draw or a win. Winning a game 1-0 gives the team 3 points just as winning 5-0, a coach would rather have a team that win 1-0 than a team that wins 5-4, let's face it you're not going to score 5 goals every game. Newcastle and Roma is prime example of this faulty principle and despite having great offence look at where they are in the league. Just as the leader is the one that concedes the least goal, the cellar dweller is the one that concedes the most, check all the league if you don't believe me. Then there are teams that simply have problem scoring but with a decent defence, they'll stay in the top league to fight another day earning money and reputation until they're able to attract better strikers, think bolton and charlton. No strikers will like to move to a club fighting for relegation year in year out, for relegation almost spell the end of playing for the club in question.

It's quite funny how journalist do not like to emphasize the point even though it's so clear for all to see. Perhaps they do not wanto be seen as promoting the boring game, a 0-0 draw is a better result than a 4-4 draw, a devil's advocate. These are general trends that I've observed and have more often than not attracted scorn from soccer fans, friends that's quite amatuerish in their understanding of the game. Perhaps the comical defending of the EPL teams that they're bred on do not further their appreciation of soccer. Man U aside, the most hated team this season has gotta be Chelsea and Everton for their many 1-0 wins, many citing them as boring and killing the beautiful game. Until statistics prove otherwise, defence is still the formula for success.

P.S. Although I think all French are gay and dislike Sir Alex Fervently, my man of the match for the San Siro leg of the Milan Man U game is Silvestre. I'll take back all my previous claims that he suck as centreback.

2005-03-10T17:13:00.000+08:00

My Dad.

A simple man. Who loves his kids namely my sister and myself, but alas my regret if it can constitute as one is that I do not have a father-son relationship with him that's close and a personal one. I feel like a stranger to him.

All this is probably more my fault than his. Ever since the young age of perhaps around 10, reason and logic became my guiding principle in life. Rebellious perhaps I was a little, and it irks me to no end to endure admonitions became it came from my elders whose justification was just that, they're elder than me thus they should know better. What many adults then do not realised was that even at that young age, I'm more developed than them in the brain department and I know whats right and wrong better than them. I however cannot remember a single incident where I was reprimanded by my dad. It was pretty plain to see then that I was detached from my family, conversations if any was kept to one of greetings without ever touching on any important or emotional aspects. Perhaps I was too self-conceited, and thought a tad too highly of myself where I thought that my family was not my intellectual equal and there's nothing more I could learn from them. Instead of having to constantly put up with their seemingly simple and witless problems, I decide that I live in the same house but not much more, I do not care about the ongoings and nor do I wanto give my comments on any issues. I really do not want to hurt my parent's ego that they already got nothing to teach their young son and I've became better than them.

The years rolled by where I continued to live my life under the same roof and my dad continue to age. I moved out eventually when I was 20 and became even more detached. The next few years were a blur and suddenly my dad retired from work. It represented a transition for him where he's in his twilight years, and I too realised that someone who's supposedly to be close to me had his life passed me by without ever developing into one that's had meaning and etched memories. My family too generally leave me alone until a crisis or emergency developed where I'm needed to solve them. Pride or perhaps my mum's ego prevented my parents to be reliant or dependent on me for everything, and I'm prefectly happy with that(My mum had always been the one making the major decisions in the household). Somewhere during that time, my parents and my dad in particular realised that their son had long surpassed them and perhaps had lost him as well and were resigned that they were unable to reach me on a personal level. They too saw me live my life and were just spectators in the show perhaps hoping that one day I'll reach out to them and they too can play a part in it as well.

After his retirement, my dad lost part of himself as most ppl do when they retire. He was spending a lot more time around the house, keeping it spick and span. He do meet up with his friends and often went travelling with my mum and enjoyed retirement eventually. He did get on my nerves on more than one occasions and I was naturally displeased and dispensed with some harsh words. It's funny though that no amount of nagging from mum would have the same effect than if I had adviced him with a few simple words and logic. My dad had simple pleasures in life and is easily humored. A game of mahjong and a sumptuous feast are his pet peevs. I'm eternally grateful for my sister who would indulge him once in a while. My dad's consolations in his life is perhaps that he have a loving wife and a fillial daughter.

I do love my father, for simply that he's my father. I will take care of him when the day come without grumble or dissent. Its not through fear of being branded unfillial that would have me do that, I've never been one to conform to such societal pressures, it is something which I think is right to do. While he's never there to gimme a helping hand, it was because I never needed it rather than he's unwilling to give, I never begrudged him that anyway. It's just sometimes I feel sad that I deprived him of a son.

2005-03-09T05:35:00.000+08:00

Milan kicked Man U's ass!!!
:)

2005-03-02T00:42:00.000+08:00

Oh BTW, tonite's the first time in 3 weeks where its not a sailing/duty day and I'm not drinking at some karaoke pub, and I'm so proud of my unwaivering pillor of strength otherwise known as my resolve to resist the temptations posted by the luscious and ambrosial waitress to reutrn to my haunt. Yeah! I actually managed to say NO to such a delectable babe, although I'm sure any more inveiglement and I'll succumb to her whims and fancies. But I managed to stand firm for a period long enough to dissuade her to try finally her luck elsewhere for enticing guys to buy her alcohol. I feel so proud of myself today, even though I'll be back to my grovelling best tmr, making reparations and putting culpability of my unrecptiveness today on some witchcraft and possiblity incriminating allignment of the stars moon and sun. However today I'll bask in my glory of sustaining a rejection of an invitation by a really really attractive girl.

2005-03-01T23:30:00.000+08:00

Smokers have rights, albeit not alot but rights nonetheless. For the uptheem times the past few years, smokers in Sg are being held to ransom by the government. Tax on cigarettes went up again and this time by a hefty $1.50 per packet of 20, breaking the psychological mark of S$10 per packet. That's 55cts per stick compared to the 14cts per stick when I started smoking thats a increase of nearly 300% in price. I've got no idea how much cigarettes cost per packet w/o tax, but a good estimate would be the price of US imported cigarettes in Indonesia costing S$2.20, thats a whooping $8.80 in tax per packet. Let's do some mathematics here.
Estimate of % of my friends who smoke = 70% (assume that bird of a feather flock together and the national average is 1/7 of this estimate)
Estimate % of Singaporeans who smoke = 10%
Estimate No of Singaporeans = 4,000,000
Estimate No of Singaporean smokers = 400,000
Estimate No of Cigarettes I smoke per day = 30
Estimate No of Cigarettes AVG SIngaporean smoke per day = 20
Estimate tax per smoker per day = $8.80
Estimate tax income per day = 400,000 X $8.80 = $3,520,000
Estimated Tax Income per year = $352,000 X 365 = $1,284,800,000
which is appromximately S$1.3 billion
Compared to COE revenue at 3000 COE per month at S$20,000 for 12 months = S$0.72 billion
I'm sure the goddamn exhaust of cars cause more pollution than cigarettes smoke.
Anyway the cited reasons for cigarette tax have been the subsidized medical costs that SIngaporeans benefit from. So let's see, as an example, a smoker starts smoking at 20, lives to be 60(Average age that Singaporeans die is 77, so I assume all smokers die younger), that's 40 years of paying $8.80 per day in tax for cigarettes = $8.80 X 40 X 365 = $128,480. I dunno about you but that seems like an awfully amount of tax that smokers are paying for subsidized medical costs. My monthly cigarette bill now looks like this $11 X 1.5 X 30 = $495. This looks like the monthly payments for a small 1.3 litre car.
Anyway I wonder how the budget will be balanced if all smokers quit smoking if the tax from cigarettes become nil.
I mean this prosecution of smokers is bordering on the ridiculous. Smokers dun go around blowing smoke into other ppl's face, I mean what have we done to deserve such a witch hunt? I mean I go about my smoking alone and dun butt into your lives, for goodness sake, leave us alone. I'm aware of the health hazards that comes with smoking, but I'm making an informed decision here, I'm smoking in spite of the health hazards that I'll presumably suffer from. More ppl die from eating unhealthy food that clogs up the arteries, go ahead put more tax on cooking oil, Mac's and the hawker selling Char Kway Tiao. I live by the sword, I'll die by the sword, It's my life, My choice. I dun stop you from eating MacDonald's, you dun stop me from smoking, so all you ppl at bus-stop, hawker centres and coffee-places, stop giving me the holier than thou look and act as if I'm murdering you by my smoking 10 metres from you, your fried chicken will kill you, or SARS, or some crazy bitch whose toes you just stepped on, not my smoke.

2005-02-25T12:26:00.000+08:00

The recent polls on the richest clubs in the world has a larger than proportionate number of english clubs in the top 20. In the long term it will definitely play a part in english club's success in Europe, as vindicated by the strong showing of having 4 teams in the last 16 of the Champion's League. However there is still some way to go for English teams before they can proclaim themselves to be masters of the European game, right now they are still pretenders to the throne.

MAN UTD
Richest club in the world, undisputed kings of England for the past decade ruled under the iron-fist of fergie. Only English club to lift the coveted champions/European Cup in recent times. Suffered a first home defeat in an European tie for over 30 games the past midweek. Other than the treble winning year, unless my memory fails me, United have not progressed to the semi-finals on any other occasion. While the mere mention of United strikes fear in England, we've often seen them come far short in Europe, often stumbling at the first worthwhile opponents thrown their way. Their opponents in group stages have more often than not the minions of the European game. Even in this campaign, they managed to finish 2nd in the a relatively weak group to Lyon, hardly a team that I consider the who's who of European aristocrats. Despite being in a rich vein of form, United once again came up short in midweek against a Milan team that have been stuttering of late with defeats to Livorno and without Sheva. While I do not put it past United to get past Milan, I see it will come from the grit and determination of the team rather than tactical brilliance or technical superiority. Italian teams do have the uncanny habit of selfdestructing at the weirdest time bar none(Think milan in last season's tie away to depor). Ferguson for all his reputation knighthood and all, is still some way off when it comes to tactical acumen and brilliance compared to some of the more illustrious names in the industry. He's a good man manager, motivator and argubly the one with the keenest eye for young talents. But have we ever saw him turn a game around with tactical shift and substitutions that changes the shape the team play? For a top coach he has surprisingly very few systems that he's comfortable with, victories have came almost entirely by the sheer strength of his squad or some inspired performance of true grit by his players on the pitch. His substitutions have often been straight forward swap of players in the same formation, and so often we have seen United caught out when opponents choose to take the game to United, instead and lying back and wait for the barage. Perhaps it was Man U's ill fortune to have drawn a team so strong for the round of 16 but when you have aspirations to be champions, you've gotta take on all comers and that sadly is what United is sorely lacking. I feel that they've come as far as they possibly could under Ferguson and a new manager could perhaps take United to greater heights.

ARSENAL
Champions of England(though they're going to be unceremoniously by Chelsea soon). United's only nemesis in England the past decade. Wannabes in Europe. Much have been said of Arsenal's failings in Europe, they were never crowned champions of Europe and I think their only European trophy had been the now defunct cup winners cup in 1994, where they were played off the pitch by Parma and won by a solitary if I remember correctly Ian Wright's goal. Arsenal today is perhaps the most exciting team in England, playing breathtaking sublime football. While most premiership teams are often torn asunders by Arsenal, they find that European opponents are made of sterner stuff, where Arsenal often fall prey to the lesser teams. There have been some inspired performance think Thierry Henry's show in Rome where they won 3-0 and insipid ones like the mauling by Inter at highbury and the defeat by Bayern in midweek. They have in Thierry the one player who can single handedly win any games for them but alas it all seem to depend very much on his mood and Arsenal just cannot hope that he do it every match. Arsene Wenger is perhaps Fergie's only adversary in England but his qualities differ largely from the knighted one. Wenger is a tactician, a professor who delves on pressing home the tactical advantage. He is however not in the same class as fergie when it comes to motivating his men. United often comes out from the half time dressing down like men possessed still playing in the same formation. This is not something Arsenal is noted for, their game have most often been decided from the game plan and if the plan don't work, its up to the professor to tweak the Arsenal war machine. Motivation is always Arsenal's problem where they simply do not show up for the big one. In their outstanding sequence of undefeated games the players were self-motivated to keep the run going and when it finally ended you can see that the players won't putting in the same effort anymore.

LIVERPOOL
Most successful English club both domestically and in Europe. Still considered one of the powerhouse in the game as evident by their top ten placing in the list of richest clubs. BUt one will be hard-pressed to put them on the same pedestal as Real, Milan, Juve, Barca, although with their 4 European Cups they should be amongst the elite. Currently languishing in fifth place behind neighbours Everton who have a tiny fraction of their budget and Boro breathing down their neck. They however turned in a virtuso performance in midweek against Leverkusen. Compared to the other 3 English team this was perhaps the easiest tie in terms of European pedigree. It would seem that Liverpool have a better chance of qualifying for next season's champion's league if they can inspire themselves in one off games like European ties by winning the Cup than via the league placings where their inconsistency continue to confound Benitez. In Benitez Pool have a wonderful coach much in the same mould as his predecessors, soft-spoken nice guy, but nice guys dun win. He is tactically shrewd and it would seem that he's most hampered by the purse strings and Liverpool's ability to draw top talents, while the jury's still out on his first season in charge, he has won many fans over as he has always been let down by his players.

CHELSEA
Money do make the world go round as proven by the Chelsea revolution this season. Without any pedigree either at home or Europe with the epic semi-final confrontation against Barca a few years back the only games of note, its ironic that their first test in Europe this season is against the other form team in Europe Barca. With a very talented squad and endless supply of money, Chelsea can now rival any of the tradition European giants for any signature. The final jigsaw seems to be the appointment of Jose, while Ranieri well liked as he was, has always been the nearly man, more suited to drag teams out of relegation, building a team for the future than actually being there winning titles. In Jose Mourinho, argubly the best young coach in Europe now, Chelsea looks like being a dominant force. While they have lost to Barca in midweek, the tie is not all lost and Chelsea represents England's best chance to lift the Champion's Cup this season, with their continental style of play being more suited for Europe that United's huff and puff and the showy Arsenal. The success of chelsea this season was largely due to the coach's ability to switch play from wing play to destroy premiership opposition and the continental cut and thrust when in Europe. This has been Arsenal and United's failings, they play the same in EUrope or in EPL.

2005-02-18T15:35:00.000+08:00

I've became a karaoke junkie.
Gradually but surely I'm embarking on my slide to becoming one of them uncles who hang out at karaoke pubs every night, belting out their very un-sinatra like rendition of My Way. Every night that's not a sailing or duty day, I'll be at one of 'em pubs downing my Martell, appluading the next singer waiting for the night to pass. Perhaps its the signs of the times where unlike the states where middle-aged balding paunch laden men hang around the bowling alley to drink their buds, middle-aged balding paunch laden singapore men like myself goes to karaoke pubs to get away from life, work, wife etc. As one is encroaching the menopause stage of their life(Yes it happens to men too!), it seems that clubbing is too demanding a physical task where standing around for 5 hours is such an arduous ordeal. Being every dance chereographer's nightmare, is my oft touted excuse for not expressing my version of the great singapore workout on the dancefloor. Let the truth be known that such physical exertions would have left me gasping for breath, pleading to the lord/buddha/allah/sungod/moongoddess etc that I'm too young(contradicting ain't I?) to die. 12 years is an awfully long time to be clubbing and perhaps the time has come for me to close this chapter of my life. Damnit, when will pubs start doing the $3 a shot offer like dbl o.

2005-02-16T15:17:00.000+08:00

This Vday has gotta be the best one I/ve ever had. No consternation about where to bring the lady, no wallowing in self pity in my spending the day alone, and best of all no deliberaing 'bout whether to send a mind blowing sms to Kelly. Just and 2 of my chums trooping to one of the pubs I frequent, get filled up with a healthy amount of alcohol, shrieking unabashedly with my unearthly vocals to some Jay Chou tunes to thoroughly enjoy myself.

It was also the first chance I had due to my insane work schedule to evaluate how my rehabilitation from her is coming along. I thought it had went pretty well, I'm actually considering various prospects that had emerged in my field of vision. That is until I asked one of me buddies who's about to get hitched to one of the ex-waitress from the pub what is it that he likes 'bout the girl. Then in retrospect, I discovered there's nothing I like passionately about any of these prospects and how they pales in comparision to Kelly, how everyone doesn't hold a spark much less a candle to Kelly. I hated the way how I used Kelly as the yardstick whenever someone new and interesting comes along. I hated myself for despite all the claims that I'm ready to embrace someone new, yet deep down inside I know I'm just patronizing her. I hated myself for all the lies that I'll tell to my future spouse that she's the one I love the most. But I accept cause this is what have to be.

My life goes on from her. No more will the mention of Kelly be sprouted from my lips. No more will there be acknowledgement of this emotional baggage that I held. No more will there be any reference to her in this blog. No more will her name resides in my phone. No more Kelly.

Kelly, I wish you the best and happiest life. Tata Bleah! :P

2005-01-21T02:00:00.000+08:00

For the past 3 weeks the following 3 words have been ringing in my head- ONE MORE YEAR. (Yes, I can hear the collective groans, but....) This year will be different. Its finally over. I finally have closure.

It all began 10 years ago on the second day of school. Sitting in left hand corner of the first row of the chemistry laboratory, was this slim girl wearing the unmistakable uniform and hair style of PLMGS. She was talking almost incessantly to another PLMGS girl sitting besides her, flashing periodically her beautiful smile. From that moment on, I was hooked. I was also confused, for this bundle of boundless energy had not been my idea of a dream girl. I thought that its only a matter of days when someone more interesting capivate me. And boy was I mistaken!

Trying not to appear weird to my frens, I've always thrown up names of classmates to be my alleged love interest, since it was the age where the male hormones are raging. I've never actually been interested with any one of my previous scandals, and when pressed by my new classmates, I announced that I was weak at the knees over one of our classmates. She was a convenient screen for she already had a bf at that time and it'll be so understandable if I do not actively pursue her. After numerous class outings, I knew I was done for. Never before had I felt so intense a feeling of fondness for anyone. This PL girl had unknowingly in her own uniquely charming self captured my soul. I was however contented to be secretly in love with her for I thought the days ahead are plentiful, and I was just happy that I'm able to see her everyday in school. It all went suddenly very wrong.

When the O'levels results were released, her L1R5 was a very good 10 points and she was entitled to choose AJC which is a much better school, and all her good frens were actually in there. I was resigned never to see her again and suddenly everything was bleak. I never felt so lost, weak and terrible before. Despite my own selfish intentions, I urged her to choose AJC for it was best for her. Also I thought that I won't know if she found someone else in the school and it will certainly be less painful if she stayed here and end up with someone else. She stayed! And I nearly became religious.

Despite being in different faculties, there were still numerous opportunities for me to see her. I attended some maths lectures on friday and skipped nearly half a year of PE lessons even though it was my favourite lessons, for my PE lessons was after hers and it was the time for their break. I also choose to be part of the librarian comunity as she too choose it as her ECA, and to this day the look of ridicule I got from frens tells me how absurd it was. No one could imagine that someone like me was actually a librarian. I was however contented to be good friends and nothing more. Deep down inside I've always known that I'm not good enough for her and she sees me as nothing more than a friend.

After more than a year, somehow through the miracles of crystal ball gazing, my frens realised that I had been throwing smokescreens all the time. EVeryone starts pestering me that I should force the issue and get an answer from the girl. SOmehow I knew rejection was on the cards and didn't want to be woken up from my dream that maybe someday, one day, we'll be more than frens. Then on 19th June 1996, for the first time in my life and to date the only time in my life where I told a girl I like her. It didn't end pretty, I was devastated. I nearly quitted school for it was too much to bear to go to school everyday, see her and unable to talk to her. I cut myself out totally from everyone else and didn't care about anything. Then the A'levels came. The whole exam was a sham, I didn't really cared if I got into uni, I just got the whole thing over and done with.

After the results were released, I choose the exact same sequence of choices as she did. All I wanted was to be able to see her in school again even though it's only for a year after I served my 2 year NS. As fate would have it, I got the first choice and she didn't, and guess what this lovelorn fool did? I applied the second year to business admin school. The chance then presented itself to me where I was promised that I would be able to attend uni 1 year earlier if I were to sign on. Even though I was always the anarchist, and hated the rigid systems of military and government organisation, I signed on with the military, sending shock waves through my network of frens who were positive I had gone bonkers. I didn't get to go uni earlier thus reinforcing my hatred for the military. It was also during my stint in the military that I lived the happiest day of my life on th 29th August 1998 where I caught the show Small Soldiers with her alone. To this day I can remember the silly grin I wore on my face the whole day. She looked absolutely stunning in her white blouse and jeans, and I've loved girls who dressed like that ever since.

When I went into uni in 1999, she was already in her third year and already had a steady bf who is still together to this day. Given the fluid nature of lessons and classes, I had to rely on chance meetings to even catch a glimpse of her. Everytime I did see her, stupidity incarnate would be the best word to describe my behaviour. I did everything within what measly control I had of my bodily functions to prevent myself from gawking, then again hardly the most intelligent words sprouted from my mouth. My gf at that time was resigned that she would not be able to displace her from my heart and even the subsequents ones as well. Since her leaving university in 2000, I had not had the chance to see her again. I do still manage to keep in touch via phone and smses. What I do certainly appreciate was that with my constant barages of ridiculous smses sometimes in the strangest hour, she had always remained civil. I had been so very thick-skinned and shameless to not acknowledge that she's doing so because she does not wants to hurt my feelings. Such is the greatness of character that she possesses, along with her beauty and intelligence, she'll always remain the perfect woman to me.

Perfect though she may be, it is now time for me to let go. I can't possibly to be so unabashed about my irritating intrusions and disturbances through these years. The exasperations she must have felt each time she receive my sms wondering when I'm going to give up. So as off today, its best that I get over her, THE ONE GODDESS, finally.

Goodbye Kelly.

2004-12-17T05:06:00.000+08:00

As of this moment Everton is currently lying 2nd in the EPL, 4 points behind league leaders and more importantly 5 points ahead of Man U and 12 points ahead of Liverpool. God it feels good to see my team after years of being stranded in mid-table mediocrity and being relegation battlers to finally let me hold my head up high and sneer at all my United and Pool fans frens. I'm enjoying every moment while it lasts, and if Everton win the league or qualify for the champions league then believe me, I'll be having a ball!!. Its been 17 longs years since Everton win the league and I can't believe I've waited this long, maybe I'll wait 17 long years for THE ONE.... DAMNIT......must be the medication talking.

2004-12-06T01:44:00.000+08:00

5th Dec 04, two of my very very best friends tied the knot with their beloved. And the coincidence is such that both of them held their wedding at Raffles the Plaza and I was able to attend both their wedding by shuttling to and fro.

There's however 2 issues that I'll touch on today. First of all is my alcoholism. Friends at both sets of wedding were truly concerned about moi's health and gone to great lengths to dissuade me from partaking in my drinking binge. While there's no way they could be successful but it certainly warms my heart to know that there're ppl in this world that cares a hoot about me to be genuinely concerned about my health.Thank you ppl!

While reminiscing with my friends of 14 years the many football matches that we had played, I realised that I've been playing football for the past 19 years. I've tasted glorious victories and bitter defeats and those memories are amongst those that I cherished the most. Deep down inside I know that I'll never play as well as I could, I'll never give up the game. While I don't play as often as I would like now, but I'll still follow the progress of my fav team. EVERTON rulesz. Forzza Toffees. While so many years of playing the game gave me a really bad knee which I'm sure will cause me untold pains in my old age, I have definitely no regrets.

As usual at weddings, I'll contemplate my own future. While I'm sure I'm not man enough to attend Kelly's wedding when the time comes, I'll defintely give her my blessings for a blissful marriage. And the best thing is that I've enjoyed myself at today's weddings for the first time without the bitterness of my own unrequited love. I think I may have finally got over Kelly.

2004-12-01T02:01:00.000+08:00

Finally I'm at peace. For the first time in the longest time, my mind experienced stoical tranquility.

I've got to thank THE ONE GODDESS for giving me 10 years of happiness. The past 10 years have actually been the happiest times for me, this despite the apparent despair, misery and desolation that I've mistakenly assumed myself to be suffering, as a direct consequence of unrequited love. As the end of 10 years loomed, I find myself questioning this, Do I have to eventually force myself to hate her in order to get over her? Do I harbour any ill-feelings for her for spurning me? I've always thought its pain I'm suffering all these years, but today I realised its not. For she've given me everything if not love for the past 10 years. All the tribulations and ordeals I've had to suffer from, from the despondence to jubilation, from sorrow to joy, all the various highs and lows in emotions I've experienced are all possible because I've loved her so much. Without this passion, my life would have been bland and tasteless. How then can I possibly blame her?

I think i've also find the answer for myself the age old question of whether its better to love or be loved. The answer has got to be the former. When I love someone, I just have her in my heart at all times, just the thought of the person would be uplifting to the spirit. Its a sort of mental dependency not unlike that of man to god. On the contrary, to know that someone loves you deeply, can be such a burden at times. A sort of mental torture even, the pressure of having someone who loves you so unconditionally, for you to be always being good to the person and not wanting to hurt him inadvertently or otherwise, can be overbearing. It is possibly worse when you can't reciprocate the love and you feel as if you owe the person big time.

When I slotted her birthday card into her mailbox, and walking away along the route I've taken countless times in the past, with one last habitual backward glance at her window, somehow deep inside I know I'm finally ready. An undeniable smile slowly crept into my facial features. As I slowly trudged along the various footpaths revisiting and reminiscing the memories of the times when I walked down the same path, raindrops started pattering down on my back. I continued until it was not possibly to advance further in the growing rain without getting totally drenched. I find myself facing the playground, where I confided to all my pains to numerous times in the past. I lingered, thought and reconciled. I loved the moment, the torrential rain, the day and my deliverance. Finally I have peace. A fitting end it was indeed!

Thank you, Kelly.

2004-11-28T11:53:00.000+08:00

ITS THE ONE GODDESS'S BIRTHDAY TODAY!!
N i still haven decide what present to buy yet. Time to go shopping.

2004-11-23T01:45:00.000+08:00

Another one of my many batch boys just got married the day past, it was a long term affair for 7 freaking long years. Call me a sentimental sissy, but everytime i attend a wedding of frens, i get all mussy inside thinking how great a communion it was for 2 person who love each other deeply enough to take the plunge. Given the commitment-phobia that yours truly is unfortuitously suffering from, marriage seems like an all together abhorrent event. However whenever I find myself at weddings, the same question will inevitably pop up. Which are the ladies unfortunate enough for me to have such adoring longing for that I'll condemn myself to be the slave of. The second person that springs to mind would be the babelicious Jaime Ong. And the first (Drumrolls.....)..................The One Goddess!!!!!!!!!!!! So much for suspense ya?

2004-11-08T02:52:00.000+08:00

Much has happened since I last blogged. Bush won the presidential elections again, Mr Arafat seems to have died after trying for 40 years to create the Palestinian state. Arsenal lost their unbeaten run. But instead the issues that sets me thinking have instead been the interpersonal developings of peeps around me. First of all, my old buddy of many years derek AKA spider has decided to tie the knot with his gf of many years and the wedding's to be held later this month. 2 other female frens have respectively hooked up with a guy and another have broken up with a guy.
First of all spidey ole man. While I've always realised that he's maturity is undoubted, but little do I expect him to tie the knot at the tender young age of 27. K 27 isn't exactly a record breaking age for young marriage but the realities of seeing so many of my peers and frens getting married finally hit me. Its the norm for peeps or guys to get married at around this age, in fact my idea of ideal age for marriage though tampered with other considerations as far as I'm concerned, is the abnormality. While he's not exactly god's gift to women but I've always rated him quite high up the desirability table, given his wits and style. He's got the grand total of 1 relationship his entire life and he's getting married to the girl. I've always advised him, correctly or not, to start a relationship with someone else whenever there was a temporal breakup, but he never listens to this old man here. All said and done, I realised that I've always maintained that I'm not ready for marriage either financially or emotionally and have always been baffled with fren's decision to get married. For me, marriage is truely frightening, the abhorrations of going home each day after work to keep the wifey company and being directly responsible whether the few hours spent at home is joyous, boring, quarrelsome or otherwise is overbearing. Its not the dread of facing the same person everyday thats apprehensive but having another person's life being so directly related to what I do thats scary. I'm sure that made me sound like the biggest fattest MCP around but I beg to differ. It means that whatever I do, I will always have lurking at the back of my mind what and how that will affect my spouse. Eg go out with colleague for a drink after work would mean that I hope that the wifey has also made plans with her frens and we'll coordinate our timings back home so that she won't be alone at home and bored. If not, leaving the wifey home watching tv while I'm drinking would cut terribly into my consciences and I'm sure I won't be able to enjoy myself. Or as in my present life, whenever I feels like I need some solitude, I'll just go home, lock myself in my room and I'll be pleasantly alone with myself. This would not be possible when the wifey's around cos she'll try to find out what's wrong when nothing's amiss. And somehow women have difficulty understanding that men needs time to be alone. In short, its just that when 2 person's life become so intricately intertwined, there's nothing that one would do or not that will not affect the other adversely or not. I'm not ready to accept this.

Still on the topic of marriage. I've always taken for granted that when the time comes where I decided that I'm ready for marriage or decide that I wanna get married, I would be able to. This meaning either I'll be marrying THE ONE GODDESS or I've gotten over her and the intendee is someone I love dearly too. This apparently is not the case. First of all, after much deliberation, given the scenario where I'm at the altar, ready to kiss the bride, and THE ONE GODDESS asks me not to get married, I'll have no second thoughts of walking away. Such is the utter helpless devotion that yours truly is binded to. Given also the highly remote chances that my fairy tale will have a happy ending, rules out the first possiblity as well. However with the recent worrying remarks that some of my frens who are genuinely concerned about my lack of emotional attachments, brought the hiterto unanalyzed possiblity that I might be left on the sheft to limelight. While I've always known I'm not exactly unresistable, I always thought that I'll eventually find someone I love who in turn will love me back. Or rather I've never thought about who is person might be, and upon closer scrutiny, I realised that the concerns were not unfounded. Gasp!!! I'm totally undesirable!!! HAHA!!! BUT, there's always a BUT! I've also realised that I'm perfectly at ease to spending my life without a partner, living a life where there's just me myself and utter devo......erm I mean I. Perhaps thats exactly why peeps around me are so concerned with my inability to find a gf and I'm perfectly happy to stay single and no end of the tunnel in sight.

As I've stated earlier, contrasting fortunes befell two of my female frens and its so amazing to me why one is like so over the moon happy with a new bf and one is so adversely affected by a breakup. I realised I did not grin from ear to ear everytime I hooked up with a girl previously and neither did I shed a single tear everytime the relationship ended. The experiences of my frens made me realise the other side of a relationship. How much it means to the girls, or perhaps normal girls. True, given the unique situation where I was still pinning for THE ONE GODDESS everytime I get into a new relationship, its still pretty farfetched for me to be so emotionally involved. Perhaps I'm just weird???

Anyway have been restraining myself from contacting THE ONE GODDESS and keeping SMSes to a minimal and I discover it to be much more of a toll than my quitting smoking and I realised I can't effectively quit from both addictions at the same time. Nicotine have once again invaded my lungs. The resignation that I'll have to make good the resolution of totally blocking all thoughts and deleting from memory the one love in my life come Jan 2 2005, warrants my gradual progress to forcibly get over her. And its damn farking painful at the moment. SIGHS!

2004-10-06T14:03:00.000+08:00

Everybody needs to stop and pause once in a while, reflect upon their life and either be bowled over by the stark realization that things haven't been going great guns, or contrary be smug in the realization that things are exactly going as planned. For the first time in the longest time, I'm able to wake up late today without having to rush to work and continue with my mechanical and mundane life. I laid in bed and reflected on the going-ons for the past few months. It wasn't pretty!

My incessant imbiling of alcohol aside. I've managed to achieve nothing of note. Just realized that I've done nothing but drink for the past 4 months. I did a mental check of my short term goals and realized this:

1. Get riding license
progress-Haven even went for a single lesson after signing up 2 months ago.

2. Formulate and kickstart a plan that'll garantee a smooth transition from being gainfully employed to self-sufficient moneygrubbing tycoon.
progress-Have beefed up my hennessy drinking capacity to be able to entertain clients, now I just need a business.

3. Save up enough money to pay a substantial upfront payment for a car
progress-Had used up what meagre savings I had in my drinking binges

4. To be finally rid of my GODDESS worshipping habits and finally get over her
progress-Got to know the GODDESS lookalike in Joebelle, which ironically instead of diverting my emotions away from the GODDESS, I became more obssessed with THE ONE GODDESS as evident from the rash of GODDESS worshipping posts in this blog. However I've finally resolved with iron-willed resolution to delete the existence of THE ONE GODDESS from memory, come 2nd January 05 which marks the tenth year of me knowing and unwittingly falling for her at first sight. (I really do need to work on the iron-willed part as evident from my smoking of 3 sticks of cigarettes yesterday and so its day 1 all over again.)

5. To actively pursue possibly at this present moment the only person that might break the vice-like hold the GODDESS have over me.
progress-Actually for quite some time already, I've know that if someone have even the remotest of chance to displace the GODDESS, its gotta be this person. Alas it just so incidentally happen that even though she's single(I think) at this moment, I've got as much chance with her as a sheep in a abattoir. And no she's not joebelle. For those of you more familiar with my style would have known, the smokescreens I will throw up just to conceal my real affections for someone else, ie Kang, Joyce etc during the days of my secret pining for THE GODDESS. I had never admitted to myself even, that I'm really fond of her, even though I loathe lying to myself as I feel its the most pathetic thing that one could do. Perhaps its to make myself feel better and to soothe my fragile ego that I'm not getting a gf, not because I can't make her like me. We're poles apart, but the one thing about her that's really appealling is her utter honesty and inability to hide her distaste. I love honesty in a person and is tired after so many years of screwing with ppl's mind and the ceaseless mind games the GODDESS plays. She's classy and elegant while I'm brutish and uncouth. She's got the taste for the arts while my idea of art is Totti chipping the ball over the keeper into goal from 20 yards. She's got the most angelic vocals while I squeal and croak disharmoniously. She dislike ppl smoking while hmmmm.....maybe that's why I'm quitting. She can't drink to save her life while 'nuff been said about my alcoholic addiction. And perhaps its also due to my love for a challenge that I'm so attracted to a person so unattainable. My mind's really screwed ain't it?

2004-10-01T02:16:00.000+08:00

Haven been extolling about the beauty, brilliance and general perfection about THE ONE GODDESS for some time, and its a sin with punitive measures the magnitude of a month long interdiction of consumption of alcoholic fluids. THE ONE GODDESS was away to sunny Bangkok and thus unable to reply my incessant barage of SMSes and what audacity this rodent possesses to insinuate that THE ONE GODDESS is a toot! Given the merciful and magnanimous disposition of THE ONE GODDESS with her infinite wisdom, beauty and compassion, I'm sure I'll be spared though I'll be shamed to accept any punishment more lenient than death.
Oh and I'm ten days into my quit smoking campaign, and boy is it getting harder every day.

2004-10-01T01:27:00.000+08:00

I dun like ppl. Lemme rephrase that. I dun like meeting new ppl. Ppl that dun fall uner the broad classification of being frens with me hated me with a vengeance. Meaning: ppl who sees me around, ie in school, workplace, generally do not like the way I look. I've got this fren who after 2 years in JC with me, got closer to me as a fren only in the later stages of our JC education told me this. I din like you until I got to know you better. Its difficult for 'em not to notice me in school and they dun like what they saw. Its like I look damn stuck up, pissed and dun bother striking conversations with ppl in the presence of a mutual fren. I treat 'em like they do not exist and unworthy of my time. Another case in point is my good fren Auston who hails from the same JC as me and subsequently brought together again in uni. He told me straight in my face that he hated my guts in our JC days. Xia Lan and Lau Lan were the exact words he used to describe me. I won't dispute or contest his claims. One of my ex-gf even asked me to be friendlier and nicer to her frens. Its like I'll tag along to her social events with her frens, get extremely bored with their conversations, start playing with my mobile, whisper some comments to her during coffee sessions, making no efforts whatsoever to partake in the discussions even if its the tenth time I'm out with them. I dun warm up to ppl was the excuse I always make. Though it must be said that they're nice ppl and did try to include me in their conversations, I just didn't wanto be friendly, so much so that they complained to my ex that if I din like 'em, it'll be better if I dun join 'em than to show them my infamous "black face" and make 'em feel that I despise 'em. I discovered I got more nites off, cos I got banned to their outings from then on. And there're a hundred and one other examples of my being unpleasant.
Perhaps I'm a socially challenged person and generally dun mix well in a group. I dun wear a sunny smile on my face and perhaps that irks some ppl to no end. Or perhaps I'm just plain hideous. So often I get invited by some really good fren to some social event like bbq where there'll be like a large group of ppl doing some fun stuff, and even though I desperately wanto be there for my fren, the loathesome feeling of meeting new ppl and putting on a friendly mask more often than not warrant my apologetic excuse for being unable to attend. Even though I meet lotsa new peeps on my clubbing episodes, ie frens of a fren etc, its mostly a hi, nice to meet you and I'm ensconced at the bar downing my tequila shots, blissfully oblivious to the disapproving murmur of discontent and disdain. I love all my frens, its just that I dun coerce myself to like theirs or make 'em my frens as well. I can live with being tagged as an anti-social for thats really who I am and I dun give a shit about what they think 'bout me. Life's hard enough as it is, without having to try to please everyone I meet and living life with a 'I love the colour of your lime green shirt, where did you buy it'(I hate green!) facade. And to all my frens, I love all you peeps, just dun expect me to like your frens just because they're ur frens. Oh yah, one more thing, not going to all yah birthday parties doesn't mean you're not important to me, its just that I hate meeting new ppl. I believed I've covered that already, good nite! :)

2004-09-26T10:45:00.000+08:00

Damn quitting smoking ain't as easy as i thought it might be. 5 days, read F.I.V.E days after my misguided and very much biased decision to quit smoking, I popped 1 of 'em lovely sticks of lung candies into my lips and puffed again. I mean I din have a valid reason to quit. Can someone tell me indefinitely I'll die from lung cancer? Health hazard possibly, cause of death for this nincompoop, remotely possible. I dun even mind dying, c'mon when its time to go, its time to go. Next most oft cited reason for quitters, the unwillingness to adversely affect the health of loved ones who doesn't smoke. Everyone I know smokes, ok make that almost everyone I know smokes. I dun love a whole lot of ppl anyway, and usually I'm pretty considerate as to where and when I light up. Ciggies cost too much. I can afford 'em soooo......NEXT!!!!! As one can now absolutely see, I have no reasons whatsoever to embark on this arduous and thankless mission.

After I so meekly succumbed to the alluring temptation 6 days ago, I'm now on day 5 of my hiatus from nicotine. Misguided though the decision may be, but after I've so publicly announced my will to quit, I see it fit to make good my word. Absurd the idea may be, forming a paradox of sorts, it's actually now a legit reason for me to quit. I'm quitting because I said so, and this shall be my pillor of strength to accomplish this task of mammoth proportions.

And lastly a word of thanks to my wonderful crew who had managed one way or another to successfully dissuade this weak-willed vermin to smoke for the past 4 days. Terima Kasih yah?

2004-09-17T08:25:00.000+08:00

I've been flirting with the possibility to actually quit smoking for the month past, and was however unable to find substantial enough a reason to do so. The last time I managed to quit smoking for a significant period was during my jc days. There was never any doubt that i would triumph over nicotine in that instance. While accompanying THE ONE GODDESS home after some harebrained class activities/outing, crossing the overhead bridge at Hougang Ave 3, THE ONE GODDESS asked if I smoke, possibly detecting the scent of cigarettes on me. Her prior remonstrance against her brother's smoking habits wasn't unnoticed, thus setting me up for one big fat lie. In truth, lie this young man did not for he had decided for kicking the habit when THE ONE GODDESS indicated her distaste for smokers. I told her that I used to smoke but had since quitted, I just didn't tell her that I quitted 5 minutes ago. I didn't had another puff for the next 2 years.

The habit came back after through the miracles of modern grapevine, I came to know that THE ONE GODDESS was romantically attached to the luckiest guy alive. "WHAT FOR?" kept ringing in my head, and despair soon drove me back to my puffing days which continued to this day.

I HAVE DECIDED TO QUIT SMOKING
No, THE ONE GODDESS have not managed to purge the cancer from her life which might allure me to sink deeper into my veneration and contrive to decieve myself to the possibility of marital bliss which should follow the banishment of smoking. Neither has my previous convictions been swayed, where afterall there was no good reason for me to quit.
Her name is Joebelle, the girl that caused me much pique the past 2 months and a dead ringer for THE ONE GODDESS. She told me to stop smoking, and I shall comply. Not so much with hope to successfully woo her for she's way outta my league, I mean what chance do a guy like me have with a girl like her, where she's beauty personified and I'm just me. More so because it represents a valid reason to quit. Judging by the way I was fixated and staring blankly into her eyes the whole night last night, instincts tells me I'm in trouble unless I extradicate myself quickly. Fanatical worshipping of one unattainable goddess is bad and painful enough, two would be plain suicidal. I would probably never lay sight on her again and it's a thought that's not unbearable hitherto, although the same cannot be said if I continue to immerse myself in her company. I'll probably die if I'll never be able to see THE ONE GODDESS again ever.
I HAVE QUITTED SMOKING.Trust me,

2004-09-06T22:38:00.000+08:00

Still remember the days when I would religiously be seated in front of the tele every monday nite catching the latest episode of the sitcom Friends, and tonite, the first time for the longest time I caught the show again.
I remember the gripping finale of the first season, and the twist, turns and tribulations of the many seasons to follow, and finally ten years have came to pass.
And tonite David Schwimmer AKA Ross in the show said,"I dun wanna get over her!"
As the tenth year of my infatuation looms in the horizon, neither do I.

2004-08-26T08:42:00.000+08:00

I've finally completed the much awaited migration from my old pc to my new pc, meaning my new pc actually spent 7 months besides my old pc collecting dust before I actually start using it. And blogspot finally fixed the password retrieval problem, ie in order to type in a new password u need to log on first, and I am finally able to continue my inccessant complains.

Anyway from my trip to Thailand, the thing that set me thinking was this. Was out for a buffet dinner with one of my thai friend and his wife. After the main course, he wanted a cup of coffee and his wife promptly fetch one for him. After a sip, he said its not sweet enough and his wife promptly proceeded to bring the coffee to the sugar table some distance away, sweeten it and bring it back to my friend. I mean this is so freaking unbelievable. If I had asked any of my ex-gf to fetch my coffee, it might still be remotely plausible if I'm really indispensed and she's lying around watching tv. To asked them to make a 2nd effort to serve moi, would induce a look of disbelief, translating to are you outta ya fucking mind. I think back to the countless episodes of myself carefully dissecting the shells of prawns, crabs from the meat etc, carefully dipping them into the chilli saucer, or the running around the food centre buying food, or the running along behind my exs, a dozen shopping bags in hand while she tries on items after items of stuffs. Something is seriously amiss here.

I think generally ladies in SG or perhaps the modernisd world are too well treated compared to their couterparts in developing countries. I think in general, Sg guys pampers Sg girls too much, and still we hear complains about SG guys being unsensitive, not caring blah blah blah. Sheesh. I dun mean that the japanese way where the wife wait for the husband to return and remove their shoes for them is the way to go, but come on give credit where credit is due, and in SG the strive for equality of the sexes is extremely successful, especially with the younger generations.

After careful considerations, I have came to a conclusion. In future, I will still peel the shells of the crusteceans, lumber along orchard road with shopping bags between my teeth, wait 2 hours for my gf to decide where pink goes with orange or blue, without so much as a whimper of discontent, loitering at the ladies lingerie department while she tries on for the 29th time the same design bra in different colours. But only because it'll make someone I love happy.

2004-07-28T02:03:00.000+08:00

I hardly have mood swings, I almost never get angry at ppl and stress is something altogether quite alien to me. I'm almost always phlegmatic and nonchalant. But for the last few days, there's this persistent feeling of discomfort hanging in the region above my lower back thats quite surreal. I've not have this feeling for a damn farking long time that I almost forgot about it. It always happen when I'm imbalance and when I couldn't resolve something that's bugging me, unable to achieve inner peace and makes me generally irritable. It's almost like anger but milder. Its making me grouchy. I'm disturbed. I am not balanced. I can't describe the feeling, its either you get it or you dun. I dun feel like writing anymore.

Why oh why am I getting this way? I dun really know the details but its got something to do along the line of me just knowing this person who bears a striking resemblence to my longest running crush of ten years. And she sounds almost like her too. I dun know whats causing me so much vexation. I dun know if its feelings of fondness brewing inside of me for this new person that threatens my utter devotion hitherto been intransigent or or or..... I dun know if its irritation caused by the possibility that there's someone who's so similar to THE GODDESS or just frustration at my ineptness and feebleness to successfully woo this new love. Or its really damaging me enormous ego that I'm unable or unwilling to make this girl like me. Or just maybe I'm angry with my stubborness that I dun want a replacement for the genuine item and thus unwilling to actively pursue her even though I'm fond of her. Hmm, I think that's it. Whenever I get this irksome feeling, its because I can't live with myself or can't reconcile my own internal differences. The irritation that is derived in not of an external source. That's it!! Even though I'm very much attracted to this girl, I refuse to wanto like her because its wrong. I shouldn't fall for someone because she looks like someone else.
I'm getting some flashbacks again!! 10 years ago, as my fingers trembled when I dialed her home number for the very first time, as my heart was palpitating at a very unhealthy rate, and the relief when her mum told me she's not in. I wonder if I fortunate enough to experience those wonderful feelings. Anxiety can be such a wonderful feeling to savour. I'm really looking forward to my yearly bout of anxiety attack come november 28 when I call her to let her know I left her birthday present at her door. I'm sick!

2004-07-11T08:27:00.000+08:00

I HATE VODKA

Yes, I know my weakness for some intoxicants with from time to time serve as a palliative relief for the disease known otherwise as my life, but vodka taste really horrible. And contrary to popular belief again, it did not soothe the anguish of my losing 600 bucks at the slots machines. Coupled with a bad Euro, it could means that finally I'll be lucky in luuurve. Then again I'm not much of a believer in ancient chinese superstitions, so it could mean the other thing. It's a divine sign from some higher powers that I shall bring an end to my illustrious gambling career. Whilst I'm at it, I should prolly quit smoking and drinking. Afterall Vodka tastes really horrible. Hmmm, lemme ponder about it after I return from the race tracks.

Anyway, it feels good to have vindication of my predilection in appreciation of beauty of the gentler gender, coming from a certified beauty no less. Thank you Joan.

Screw the cow, grass chomping bovine should stick to passing comments like ,"MOO MOO MOO MOO".

2004-07-02T12:41:00.000+08:00

I must vehemently protest the previous accusations by da cow for my apparent lack of taste in appreciation of beauty in girls. Posted above is the depictions of epitome of beauty in a girl's eyes, and to moi the eyes are the most important aspect when looking for beauty in a girl's features.

Thank you, and have a nice day.

2004-06-28T23:52:00.000+08:00

I've got 2 MRT incidents that sent me into deep pondering and a revelation of sorts.

First of all, I was reading my fren Joan's blog, yeah you can find it on the right, and she is apparently one of those girls that do not place huge emphasis on the financial well-being of her bf. And it brought me back to these thoughts that had emanated from this puny brain og mine a few weeks back from an observation in the MRT station.

Incident
I was walking out of the MRT station and finding my way to work when I saw this really ,shove the vacuum cleaner down the throat and empty the lungs, beauty walking towards the station, with a certain nuance of pique possibly with the dread of having to utilize the early morning public transport. It then struck me like I've discovered the holy grail, that the girl have only herself to blame for her predicament. Given her beauty and amazingly good looks, it would have had been effortless for her to captivate and to a lesser extent inveigle a rish man's son into becoming her personal slave. If it's because of true love (I use this term loosely as the mainstream cliche, and would question its validity later on) for her childhood sweetheart that she's not embarking on the personification of a gold digger, then maybe she's gotta question herself if she is remaining true to what she seeks in life. Meaning, its her fault if by her own volition, she's not having a rich bf for its well within her capabilities, then she should have no qualms about having to "suffer" the ignominy of public transportation.

Which brings me to remember the admonitions that yours truly dispensed with to some heart-broken friend of mine some time back. See, like moi, many of my friends have the misfortune of having our undying devotion and love to some goddess being unrequited. I was telling this fren of moi that everything in this world is in accordance with the laissez faire model of demand and supply, love included. Nope, I do not mean that love can be bought ala visiting prostitutes, I am a staunch believer that I will not engage the services of a prostitute. What I meant was that, girls choose guys for certain qualities that they possess, and vice versa. Having been the number one choice as the number one listening ear for many a heart broken person, I can safely draw the conclusion that majority of the male homo sapiens race seeks skin deep beauty as the number one criteria for choosing their partner. For the gentler sex, its a toss up between factors such as character, being good to her, rich, handsome and some others, or so they say. My take is this, not every guy looks like Andy Lau or Brad Pitt, not every guy has the character that suits the girl of his dreams(And I think its sometimes hypocrisy on the part of the girls when they say they really looks out for a good character in a guy). I've seen one too many guy being rejected by their objects of desire despite being the nicest of nicest person, to believe the crap that being good to a girl can win her love. So my advice have always been to my dejected frens that the only thing within their control so that they can achieve the goal of having a fashion accessory hanging on their arm as they walk down Orchard Road, is that they make tons of money and the gold diggers will flock to them despite their looks, flaws etc. And mind you many of these girls are stunning(See above point about guys with myopia and seeks only skin deep beauty). However my exhortation have never been trully heeded, and many of them persist along the stereotyped idea of true love, ie the kind you only see on tv. And face it, many guys despite their hideous looks(myself included) are vainpots, who wants the girls to fall in love with their physical appearance(Guys loves girls for their looks, so it only seem right that the reverse is true), and refuse; in their words to stoop to a level where they attract girls because of the size of their wallet. They only love my money, they say. Bah Humbug. This is what I call self-denial in these guys, know your strengths and use them to get the objective. They want you for your money, You want them for their looks. They want you for being handsome, you want them for being pretty. Its all about demand and supply.

So my point being rich guys tempt pretty girls with their money. If both side think the trade is just, everyone's happy and nobody's forcing anybody and live with what you have.

The second MRT incident is one with a definitely more light hearted mood. Was on the platform of Jurong East MRT the passed morning on my way to work, when my radar detected a faint scent of a possible chick on my right side. Call it instinct that guys have for sensing out a pretty girl for I do not really know why guys can pick out a pretty girl in a crowd of ppl so fast. I turned my head to my right and saw this girl whom I'm sure could pass as a dream girl criteria for most guys. She was in baggy pants and was wearing a pink singlet(I've always been a sucker for slim girls in singlets, especially white ones, but pink in this case would do just fine), and she have the most beautiful, ok 2nd most beautiful pair of eyes in the world. Our eyes met and the fixation held for a few brief seconds before I tore myself from this mesmerizing sight. I then discreetly checked if my fly is undone or any simmilarly potential embarrassing predicaments I could have been in, for the impossibility of it all which such an unattractive guy like myself would warrant such attention from such an attractive girl.(Did I mentioned I loved the pink singlet she was in). For the next few minutes, I managed to detect her stealing a few more glances at me in the next few minutes that transpired but I never dared to return the compliments. If I'm currently attached at the moment, I would have swore that my gf had instigated such an delectable babe bait to test my loyalty and steadfastness. The impulse to strut forward and introduce myself was only held in check by my greater desire not to make a complete fool of myself. And the strange thoughts that seemed to so predominantly occupy my minds during my teenage years, such as taking the same bus everyday so as to be able to see my dream girl,or the equally juvenile idea of posting an anonymous message in popular forums to seek her out, spontaneously sprung into the vacuum. After my male easily inflatable ego was deflated to normality, with more realistic syllogization, memories of a farni and yet lovely incidentcame ryshing back to me.

Like many a student in our youths, I had profound reasons uncomprehendable by my mum, to wake up at unearthly hours to catch the exact same bus to hell everyday. There was this girl who would be at the bus stop everyday at the exact or nearly exact same time. There were times when either of us would be earlier and could have caught the earlier bus but didn't, and it did seem pretty funny now, how I could always rationalized the queer behaviour. Well, this girl is perhaps 2 years my junior and she have the kind of eyes that I loved and well, I thought she was really pretty. All those puppy love now seem so sweet and funny though. Anyway, although each day I thought I would go up to her and maybe strike some small conversation but it never did materialized for i always thought there would be tmr. Anyway, this particular day will be etched in my memory forever. I was at the bus stop earlier than usual and the bus wasn't due to arrive until another15 to 20 mins, and then she walked towards the bus stop, and as usual I was spying with corners of my eyes. Did I mentioned it was in unearthly hours that I have to leave the house and it was pretty dark? Probably so dark that she was unable to see the exposed drain and fell with one leg into it. No I did not burst out laughing, although the possibility of me doing such a brutish and unsensitive act is pretty high. But it was also not in my nature to lend an unwelcomed helping hand,(I had a bad boy image to maintain at that time). Anyway I wasn't fast enough even if I had wanted to help, as there was a boy from another school, whom I never even noticed was there, was nearer and proceeded to gave her a hand. There were some scratches and seeps of blood could be seen on the shin. Again the voices within my head was fighting one another, whether to inquire if she was alright, or play it nonchalantly, as usual I did nothing looking into space. Without warning the girl came up to me and in the most Kawaii voice asked,"Do you have a dollar, my farecard's dry." I thought that was pretty lame excuse to strike a conversation, and it did seemed so contrived. Anyway I passed her some money and did actually enquired if her leg was ok. Being the socially challenged creature that I am hailing from a boys school and all, I could not think of anything intelligent to say to her the remainder of the wait for the bus and an awkard silence developed. Upon boarding the bus, she proceeded to sit beside moi despite empty seats being available and the oaf that I am did my most realistic impressions of a soundly asleep person to date.

Anyway I've rambled on for too long and I did relish the re-enactment of my childish infatuation episode in my head after so many years and is surprised at so many useless details that i remembered taking up the precious little space available in my brain/vacuum. It has certainly brought a nostalgic slushy smile to my lips unseen for so long.

And this is the one with the 2 MRT episodes.

2004-06-27T18:25:00.000+08:00

Since the start of Euro 04, I've not have had any intellectual conversation of any kind with any intelligent ppl. Not that all my frens are stupid like moi but rather the insane living hours I put myself thru just to watch a football match where the result is already fixed before a single ball is kicked deprived me of the ability to think coherently to engage in any kind of intelligent comversation. Antway that was until my good fren whose identity shal remain anonymous, sent me an sms with implications that I shall not have to work tmr because I will be attending his funeral. But it all end well because I still have to work tmr and despite already having written I'm sure some heart-felt advice for nincompoops like moi, he managed to talk himself out of it alone. It did however triggered the same suicidal thoughts and intent that I used to and am still harbouring.

Well I'm not going to bore u with what's so wrong with my life that makes my contemplation with eternal peace a part of my life for so long. But rather the discourse within myself that managed to dissuade my spilling of guts on the pavement of certain hdb block. Nope, I do not fear eternal damnation even though i'm pretty sure down is where I'm headed if there's life after death. Nope I do not fear the process of dying, be it painful, exhilarating or otherwise. I am not fillial enough to consider the pain that my parents might experience if they do have to send me for my final journey. Painful as it is for me to lose my best friend to lung cancer which I've been mourning his demise for the last 5 years, I believe that any pain my friends/loved ones felt could not have been as pronounced as what I've been through. The said fren kept asking his family when I was coming as he breathed his last, and I was not uncontactable because of some wholly honorable matters but rather at a certain club in MS drinking my fill. I doubt anyone would mourn my demise as much because I've not had any sort of positive effect anywhere near the magnitude of what my fren have had on the ppl around him. I do not fear being unable to see all the ppl I cared for in my living life, I am afterall a loner.

It is rather the fear of not existing, the very possible prospect that I Henry cease to exist after I die. There would not be a Henry after I die, sure my carcass will exist until the crematorium makes short work of it and ashes is all that remain from the entity formerly known as Henry, but not in that sense. What if there's no life after death, there's no wandering malicious spirit to walk the earth or burn in hell. And the scariest prospect of all, I am unable to analyze, judge, contemplate and think anymore. Descartes famous quote "I think, Therefore I am" keeps ringing in the vacuum supposedly occupied by grey matter. The vacuum enclosed within my skull, is unconceiveably able to generate thoughts that is the only testament and proof of my existence, will finally be able to go to rest eternally. My not having an impact on the world and not even being able to watch the show continues and put simply vanished into vacuum is scary. Until there's empirical proof that's life after death, I'm hanging around to make life a living hell for peeps with the misfortune of being my acquaintances. You've been warned!!

2004-06-23T23:34:00.000+08:00

I do not understand why year after year or rather every bi-annually since 1982 I'll turn my life topsy turvy during the month of June sleeping for 1 to 2 hours everyday watching match after match of football turning up a zombie for work and going home for more football with an non-existent social life. After the fracas of the last world cup in Korea, I thought that this Euro'04 would restore some of my faith in football being genuine. Suddenly it all came to light. Given the high number of dubious results (Yah I know the ball is round) where the clearly superior team do not win, dubious decisions by referees, and generally results that leave bookies richer and richer, I still refuse to believe that football matches at the highest level are rigged. That was until today, after I witness the highly convincing 2-2 draw that Sweden and Denmark played out. A result that will allow both teams to go through and knock out the Azzuris that have the whole world purring that the Italians deserved it and poetic justice and all for them being lazy in their earlier games. Well when you have a squad as talented as the one the Italians have, they can be lazy playing at 50% effort and still remain undefeated. Anyway I'm incoherent now and my ultimate point is this. 2 Teams conspired to draw a game 2-2 which is a convenient result for both and managed to fool the whole world into believing that the game is genuine because both teams seem to be trying to score to win and boy how real it looked. Now think about it in a different context, before the game where a result that the bookies wanted was translated to the players, referees and coaches. Players go out play the game and make it look extremely real, come back get paid go on in life as a super-star. Given how much publicity was made about a convenient result for both was a 2-2 draw, they still went out to play surprise surprise to a 2-2 draw and all over the world the press are saying the game is real. Anyway a repeat of the game is on again, and it just makes me sick to look at the players again, its really revolting when after such a blatant act they are still feigning innocence. Too bad there's no wrestling on now, at least WWE never did claimed that the results are not fixed. If there's one thing I cannot stand is someone who made a conscious decision to do something and not admitting that is the case. If you have the guts to do it then you better have the guts to admit it.

Ok, there is maybe one exception to that. I mean if I really do like a girl, I'll never admit it but surely that's a different story...

2004-05-11T21:58:00.000+08:00

Just after I've sounded so saintly about myself in my last post, I'm gonna kick myself in the foot this time round by saying that I've totally screwed up a supposedly night of fun for 2 of my very good frens. I'm terribly guilt-stricken at the moment, not felt since a long time back when I was actually attached. The previous incident was that I made my then gf stayed around in the coffeeshop with me while I chatted with my frens until ghoulish hours into the nite, having scant regard for the fact that she had got to work the next day. After thrashing out with her that nite, I realised the whole episode was my fault and I felt terrible about myself. While I'm no saint but I have always felt that I had done the right thing almost all the time maybe save for this 2 incidents where I totally and utterly screwed up. Besides being completely disappointed with myself for being such an inconsiderate person, I had misplace the trust that my frens had about me. I can't even begin to say how sorry I was about both incidents because I belief in both instances I couldn't apologise enough. I had done what I always felt was the ultimate no no in frenships taking another person for granted and I was convicted of such a crime, I'm feeling totally disgusted with myself now that I can't face myself...arrrgh. I also think that guilt is one of the worse thing that a person can feel.....it eats into you all the time making one like oneself lesser and lesser until breaking point or something drastic happens.....I feel so disgusted at myself now I can't bear to type anymore....
ANyway Sharon and Joan, if u'r reading this, I'm terribly sorry.

2004-05-10T23:00:00.000+08:00

The combined effect of too much breathing in too much fishy air and my 2nd helping of the movie Dawn of the Dead had perhaps warped my sense of rationality and realism. I mean who wouldn't be just a lil wacky from so much time spent confined in a 50m ship. My imagination may be a lil too licentious but hey, its just a thought. For those of u who had watched the show and actually spent some time thinking about it (So, its a B grade horror movie but doesn't mean it's entirely fatuous), instead of oggling at Sarah Polley's rack, it just leads me to wonder if Sg and its population were to be decimated by the spread of the zombifying virus and I escaped because I'm out in the sea, would I return to mainland Sg or make a run for it to some deserted isle? This is of cos based on the premise that any sort of institution has been uprooted by the zombies.

I thought long and hard about it, I'm not going in depth about how long and how hard..... Anyway I thought about what I had to lose if I stayed away. For one, I would never set eyes on a certain someone and that would be more than i can bear and I could not possibly rest easy not knowing if she made it through the epidemic alive or undead. I then thought about how distraught I became some time back when a rush of frens were getting married and I contemplated with the possibility that she might one day come to me telling me she's getting married. Of cos she din do that but just thinking about it made me go into depression for a few days and I still do not know if I'll be able to cope with that. This alone is reason enough for me to brave the bites. But there's more.

To me the defining aspect of life has got to be the frens that one make. Many of my frens would have realised by now the importance I place on friendship and won't think twice about jumping into the frying pan for them. Recieved a call at 2 a.m., "yo bro can come out for a while??" No questions asked, hoped on a cab 5 mins later. Received a sms,"Yo can I borrow a bit of money?" Check bank account, 20 days from payday left with 1k,"Erm I dun have much is 1k enough?" Anyway u ged the drift. Frens are what makes me me and forsaking 'em would have defied everything that I have lived for. Well I am not a hero and do not have superhuman abilities to boot and the bravado is not brought about by the fantasy of having played one rpg game too many or one fictatious movie too much, but how many of us can die for a cause that we believe in? I may not save 'em but at least I know I've tried and by not doing so, I won't be able to live with myself. Anyway I've gotten abit too righteous for my liking and this feeling of altruism is a one off thing and I'm sure I return to my true self of a Scum pretty soon.

2004-05-09T03:27:00.000+08:00

For the first time in 4 months I played football today. And 2 matches at that and boy did it disgust me. First of all for the many ardent fans of my footballing abilities, I've totally lost it. If ever I play footie with you again, I won;t be terrorizing you with the sight of Moiz dribbling past u leaving u looking like a fool. I'm appalled to discover the extent of my degradation in my footballing abilities. Case in point, I've the ball at my feet bearing down a 40++ old fart, saying that I'ld left him for dead smelling dust would have been an understatement, but no I just passed the ball to my team mate, afraid of losing the ball to the ole bugger. Worse, when the team manager asked me to play for the 2nd half, I politely turned him down for fear that my incompetence would cost the team. In better times, I'ld have taken all position because I'm better than the guy playing that position but now I'm chickening out of a game.The blasphemy of it all just makes me sick. I'm not half the player I was....worse I'm not good enough to play football. I've become the very weaklings that I've so despised all my life, an incompetent football player. The contempt that I held for guys with lesser skills will now be reciprocated on me. No not me, my 18 years of playing football surely count for something....but alas the days of guys clamouring to be on my teams seem like a distant past. It seems I'll never reach the heights that I've scaled ever again.

2004-05-08T18:20:00.000+08:00

ROFLMPO

2004-05-08T02:44:00.000+08:00

Disclaimer: The owner of this site have no political allegiance, agenda or aspiration whatsoever.

It is with utmost contempt as I watch the political mudslinging of Mr Kerry and Mr Bush about their lack of military credentials....obviously both of them do not measure up to our very own Mr Lee HL. I mean since that fatal day of our Sentosa Cable-Car Mishap, where Mr Lee shot to fame and prominence and ultimately the deservedly rise to the rank of a Brigadier General which was in no part due to the ties he shared with the then PM Senior Lee. Bush, Kerry eat ya heart out talk about military credentials, come back when you are a General!!

When our very own PM Mr Goh, return from his various political visits to other countries, he would formally hand over the reins of the PAP to Mr Lee and with it also the leadership of our country. I mean, Mr Lee must be the best man for the job, undoubtedly....who else held such an impressive portfolio of defence education finance etc...especially more so after he had brought Singapore back from the economic slumps a few years ago, the quarter on quarter growth in excess of 7% was surely the genius of DA MAN. I mean even though our country never really did go into recession like in 1998....but but but it was after all a technical recession, which was brought about by the Asian Currency Crisis, 911 and Sars. Granted these were one off events and the economy was expected to recover if no such unexpected calamities were to continue to occur but it still shows that it was only with such astute management that the economy was able to recover. China's growth which brough about the spurt was totally unexpected and could not have been forsaw as an inevitability to eventual recovery. Also during the reign, kickbacks like ERS with varying amounts pegged to housing accomodations, increased GST, lowered income taxes produced the desired solutions for structural unemployments which was the culprit for the economic downturn. How these measures managed to eradicate structural unemployments, I don't know, if I do I could have became the Finance Minister.

If only we have more politicians with the capabilities of Mr Lee, then not only would he be able to turn the economy around with his Midas touch, he would have been appointed the defence minister. I mean in face of the impending terrorist attacks on our country, we would surely need the best man to oversee the establishment of our defence. I would definitely sleep more soundly if I know a man as capable as Mr Lee would oversee our defence, I am sure he did not assume the role because the economic recovery was of a more pressing nature and not because if Osama did strike our country successfully, it would represent a tarnish to an otherwise perfect record.

I am sure the future of our country is in good hands, I mean this guy have battled a financial crisis, a natural disaster, and more impresively cancer and won. It certainly does speaks volumes and the credentials speaks for themselves. NOL is just an unfortunate encounter and should not be delved on too much.

2004-05-04T19:55:00.000+08:00

Just finished reading a new entry from one of me bloggies friend...check links on the right....go ahead click on 'em...just remember to come back though. And I discovered that me fren have a very different way of writing.....let's just say if she ever become erm lemme rephrase that, when she become rich and famous, she would not have shortages of notes to come up with her autoiography. She writes about what happens during the day, this gave me inspiration enough to try my clumsy hand at it.....So I think long and hard about it....real long and real hard...my life is boring....here goes a typical day in the life of yours truly.

Waked up pissed at 6a.m. cos I slept at 4. Went to work...piss off ppl there.....come back from work piss off more ppl at home....read toto result....get pissed myself for some retarded kid is gonna get handouts from Singapore Pools with my money.....log on go to me blog and gets more pissed cos the only hits on my blog are from myself....go drinking and see ppl gets pissed drunk....come home and take a piss from all the beer. Check blog again and goes to sleep at 4.

Then I realise that I do not that many things I feel happy or angry about during the course of the day....I mean I hardly feel anything cos I dun care. Nothing seems to make me happy, sad, angry, excited or emotional. GO play mahjong win some money, take money go drink. Watch footie, win some money, take money go drink. Call up some girl to ask for a date, gets rejected, go drink go home sleep. Call fren play number ball, win some money, go drink. GO online, play starcraft, gets my butt well and truly concavized, go to sleep. See extremely beautiful sexy long legged chiobu with some ugly twat with warts the size of well big warts, or with this 4 feet midget driving a ferrari(I swear he's wearing stilts to reach the pedals), go atm draw money go drink. My boss scolds me for being non-conformist, smile at him then go smoke. Sees unbelievably cute girl looking my way smiling, I check to see if my fly is open or my wad of fifties makes a huge bulge in my pants. Makes unbelievable shot in snooker, thinks I'm going to miss the next. Boss tells me my weekend is gone, I bring my sleeping pills to work. As if my life aint boring enough, I makes it even less interesting. I'm so well and truly screwed my life over. Maybe I should go for a drink tonite.

2004-05-04T01:33:00.000+08:00

2 of my favourite players

2004-05-03T13:24:00.000+08:00

2 very happy footballing results contrived to transpired last nite, Milan's beating AS Roma 1-0(Were anyone expecting any other scoreline?) to clinch the Scudetto for the 17th time and Leeds United going down to the Nationwide League. But I'm not spewing forth with mundanes about my love for Milan or hatred for Leeds.
Instead, the sounds of Kylie kept its swirling around in my head with the haunting Can't Get U Outta My Head. For u see, I've been thinking about this girl like all the time for the weekend that passed, ok not so much thinking about her but images of her keeps floating up in my chain of thoughts. Its like wake up log on to net....BAM image.....went to bathroom brush teeth...BAM...Hu 6 ta....du du ban ser hong zhong....BAM image....how much is it?.....Watching football on TV....BAM image.....here writing blog....BAM image. Its really farni though as I've never thought of the person in question to be my type and I'm sure it'll pass pretty quickly as with all my other infatuations 'cept for one really long obsessions. Yup that's got to be the best thing I should do....ged over it and consign myself to the worship for the ultimate devil for another 10 years.....just gimme a few more hours to slowly shove the resurfacing image into the dark recess of my warped mind. I'm quite sure it won't amount to anything anyway.

2004-04-29T21:29:00.000+08:00

The curtains are drawn on one of my favourite players of all time, I'm talking about of cos "The Divine Ponytail" Roberto Baggio. I'm not going to extol about his wondrous career or the perfect example he had been for younger footballers around the world, I won't be able to do him justice. One of the the most popular footballers of recent times, and certainly one of the most talented. World football and Italy lost one of their favourite sons, much like when Fandi decided to hang up his boots for Singapore, except in the case of Robbie, he was knocking on the door for entry into the Azzuris squad at the advanced age of 37 and with such talents like Inzaghi Vieri Totti and Del Piero already in contention. The only player to hit 200 goals in Serie A, playing his trade at Fiorentina AC Milan, Inter Milan Juventus Bologna and Brescia, he has always been the player that team mates sought inspiration. One of the possible regrets perhaps was that he never had a world cup winner's medal or a European Cup's winners medal.....or maybe I've spoke too soon....maybe just maybe he'll get called up for the squad and a shot at glory one last time....We can only pray for Roberto Baggio

2004-04-27T18:59:00.000+08:00

This is Farni

2004-04-27T17:37:00.000+08:00

Diego Armando Maradona
for my money is the greatest footballer ever. As he lies now on the hospital bed fighting for his life, I will attempt to convince you why this is so.
Did I hear some 3 lions supporter bellowing the words cheater, handball? Talk about Maradona in Sillypore, you'll inevitably come to the discussion about his infamous 'Hand of God'. This is in no small part due to our colonial history and the wide-spread support that the english teams enjoy in our land. Many a myopic Singaporean lived and breathed english football and think the world of it, afterall its suppose to be the land where football is born. Looking back in footballing history, an unbiased fan will realise the incompetence of the English game, even the World Cup winning team in 1966 wasn't the best team around and the controvesy surrounding the way the World Cup was won was lost on many a blind Sg fan of the 3 lions. The referee for the German quarter-final was English and the referee for the England quarter-final was German, go figure. Hungary routed England 6-3 in Wembley in november 1963 and then 7-1 in Hungary in 1964. Portugal with Eusebio was for my money way better than the English at the world cup.
Anyway as with any major football tournament. there would be an unrealistically high number of Sg soccer fans thinking that England will win the tournament, but instead most of the time the ENgland team have problem even qualifing for it and sometimes not even making to the tournament proper. The 1986 team was however one of the strongest England have put out to the world cup and imagine the disgust that these fans feel when their team was knocked out by a handball. The local journalist played to the sentiments of these fans, writing what they want to read and vilify Maradona till now. Many a newspaper report will always extol the injustice of the game, yet none had ever written that the best goal ever in a world cup was also scored in that game as well by Maradona. It was conveniently forgotten by our local journalists, surprise surprise. I'll not even try to describe the goal, for its beauty and excellence is beyond words.
Now back to the man. The little man with dancing feet and untied shoelaces that seems to tie themselves to the ball. I remebered in one Serie A game where the opposing team defending a maradona free kick tried putting a man on a post. He promptly put the ball into the other corner! Such is his technical ability. His rise came at a time where defensive football was reaching its peak, where the art of defending was recognised and teams all over the world was honing their skills. Compared extensively to Pele for the greatest footballer ever, Maradona's era was a completely different epoch in terms of defensive capabilities. Back in the days of Pele, the defending of teams was comical. Teams try to outscore one another, scores of 7-3, 8-4 was not uncommon. Pele's claim on being the best rest primarily on his participation in 3 world cup winning team and scoring over 1000 goals in his career. He was playing in the States with the New York Cosmos?? Hardly what I would consider as a competitive league. The world cup Brazil won in 1958, Pele was 17, the star of the tournament was instead Garrincha the little bird and Zagallo. In 1970, the team is widely considered the best ever with the most number of legends like Tostao Jairzinho Gerson and Rivelinno. Argentina's win in Mexico 1986 had just 1 man, Maradona. Not many will argue against that Maradona Single-handedly won Argentina the world cup. And again in 1990, again with a weak team, he brought them to the finals in Italy. Such is the ability of the man, that in 1994, Argentina broke apart after he was tested positive for Coccaine. Other footballing greats all had a powerful team to complement their abilities, like the orange army in 1974 for Cruyff and the German team for the Kaiser, the 'Marvellous Magyars' of Puska, the portugal team with Eusebio.
Perhaps its his own superb confidence in his abilities that made him seem so arrogant and aloft from the media. Pele and his squeaky clan image may have done mighty lots for for football, but its the footballing genius of "The Little Man in the Number 10 Shirt" that is the stuff of dreams. May the wizardry of the man live long in the hearts of footballing fans. Long live....
Diego Armando Maradona

2004-04-24T10:08:00.000+08:00

Thank all the kind souls who through one mean or another, tried to physically inject html codes knowledge into my skull through various methods of osmosis. But alas, the lack of visual stimulant (Think leggy lian/chiobu bending forward wearing a delectable flimsy blouse with plunging neckline, engrossed in putting the gloss to me blog by combating the evil codes from hell) has however severely dented the learning curve of yours truly. It didn't help also that the composition breakdown of my head is 90% skull, 5% skin and 5% vacuum, and bonelike material of the skull is not semi-permeable and not susceptible to the osmosis process. So here I am imploring again for there to be world piss, love and the greater powers of humanity to bestow upon this deprived old man the assistance of some lithe nubile pulchritudinous female in the goal of making this blardy page look better.

Thanks again for the kind souls that have been out drinking with me these past few nites. I am finally able to bring my blood-alcohol content to an acceptable level, think combustible blood. If I play my cards rite, I may actually be in our local tabloid AKA The New Paper for being the only Singaporean to date to die of SHC(Spontaneous Human Combustion), although there's never been evidence, empirical or otherwise, that supports the theorem that higher alcohol content might trigger SHC. I just hope they interview the correct ppl to truly decorate the deceased(me). I'm so sick of reading about the hardworking, nice, intelligent, socially altruistic undergraduate being the undeserving victim when smitten by god's wrath. So if it so happens that I'm struck down by a falling lamppost or flatten by a runaway bus or crushed under the rubbles of mrt tracks, please direct the media to ppl like the demented bovine or pyscho bitch or whoever knows that my ghost will not come back to haunt them because they said the truth.

Extract
Reporter: Can you describe the deceased?
Friend1: Ugly son of a bitch. He makes the elephant man feel better about his looks. Fouled mouthed cretin, lazy good for nothing bum who indulges in alcohol and gambling. Jerk, and I dun mean self physical gratification. If there ever was proof that God is just, this is it.
Reporter: I can't possibly put that down. You have anything nice to say about your deceased friend? There's a template I have to follow or the paper won't sell?
Friend1:Ok this mudderfarker here, treated me to a sumptious helping of beer. SO that he can take a crap on my face when I'm pissed drunk.
Reporter:Make something up, anything, I'm desperate!
Friend1:The world is a better place w/o his existence, it might be the first good deed this scum has done in his whole life.
Reporter(Getting desperate, sees a weeping old woman by the side of my body):Madam, are you related to the deceased? Can you tell me something about him? Why are you crying?
Old woman:I'm his mother. This worthless piece of shit here, didn't buy any insurrance and gambled away all his money and refuse to let me know his ATM pin number.
Reporter:!@#$(Sees young attractive female with an inkling of resemblence to Ayumi Hamazaki wailing about her losses!)
Reporter:Miss, why are you crying? Is this your BF, can you tell me more about him?
Friend2:I got to know this bastard here yesterday at a club and he said he'll buy me a 3 carat monster if I sleep with him. What about my diamond!!!!! Waaaaaaa.

On the newspaper
A 26 year old man was found dead by the police at ........ His colleges at work think that he is a really nice person, caring and approachable for help. The picture depicted below is the deceased's mother and the girlfriend who are planning to get married next month. The grieving mother told us her son is very fillial and would always give her all his money, he don't smoke gamble or drink and is well liked by all his neighbours as he makes a career out of helping old ladies crossing roads. The wife to be of the deceased told our reporters that they've been together for 8 years and he has been a wonderful caring boyfriend never batting an eyelid when scantily claded babes are in the vicinity. He's also very nice to her parents and is the model son-in-law boyfriend.

Bummer!

2004-04-22T19:35:00.000+08:00

I could hardly farking believe it....nobody wants to drink on this BEAUTIFUL thursday nite, despite my best efforts in coercing, cajoling and even tried manipulating and enticing(picking up the god damn bill), nobody and I mean absolutely freaking not a soul of my meagre aquaintance wants to go drink! Weird world this has become. Ok so I'm bored and thats why someone's got to pay, and if you're directed here because someone told you there's free porn to be found on this url.....I lied and now you'll be cursing and swearing much in the same fashion as I did because NOBODY'S GOING DRINKING WITH ME!!!!! Bah humbug!

What's the world coming to? Too many friends getting attached, and too little time left for me. If I sound like I'm whining? I SO FREAKING AM!!! Perhaps I should get my arse outta the bar stool and actually try to be the socialable animal that homosapiens are supposed to be. Whats the worse that can happen....I get a new drinking buddy? Or i get alcohol splashed across my face(I still get to lick it up!!)? Or maybe just maybe, it turns out to be a guy!!(GASP!) Alas, I can't do that while I'm drinking, roots seems to grow outta my well rounded arse and attach itself physically to the bar stool. Hell, I'm lazy even to go to the gents and I go when I absolutely have to...think 2 jugs worth of beer in pee. Ah crap...a call maybe there's hope.

2004-04-20T02:05:00.000+08:00

I will get myself a programming degree of sorts, and by that i dun mean the VCR kind. For the obvious undoubted talent that yours trully MOI have in other aspects of life, ie my tactically brilliant manuevres to get ppl to pay for my indulgences in alcohol, I cannot rewrite the html codes of my blog to make myself look more professional with originality and personality. I mean even a COW, yes a cow, bovine, overgrown heifer, mik producing mammal with horns, could decorate his blog with sophisticated enough looking additions to actually pass for being an expert programmer. So the COW did have lessons at an undisclosed learning institute charging exorbitant rates for teaching you everything you already knew about computers, but my incompetence is unforgivable. Shut up dun laugh, I can't do a hyper-link here big deal, just type in the freaking URL to appreciate the webpage design or let his unique sense of online personal and humor entertain you.

http://dahcow.blogspot.com

Anyway, I'm seriously in need of professional help here to add the little bit of ummph to my blog. And if you are female, young, attractive physically, free and sexually casual, I need your help to come to my nest to help me break the cryptic codes of HTMLs to reformat the piece of shit you are currently reading. A little bit of knowledge in programming will be a nice plus point. I will reward you for your efforts and time.

Anyway, I've gone back into alcohol withdrawal stage, showing symptons like running nose and inability to speak, talk coherently. I've had not had any had alocohol have, had, has hadden, beer for the past 9 days. That's 5+4 days or 2+7 days or 0+9 days or 3X3 days......watever it is, its 8 days too long before I've had a wiff of alcohol and its killing me. So please if there are any souls kind enough, preferably if you're female, young, physically attractive, free and sexually casual, to take me out for a drink, your efforts will gratitiously be rewarded. And to da cow, you mentioned a cute waitress somewhere.....just wondering if she fits my bill.

Must imbile alcohol, can't make mind work.....

2004-04-18T12:21:00.000+08:00

There has been something that has been bugging me for the past few weeks. Rather it was something that has came to me as a shock, or rather that has been totalli different from my perspective of the morality of Sg youth today. 2 of my friends within the short space of 2 days told me that they did not engage in any sexual acts even though they have been attached with gf for a long time, out of respect for their respective gf's wish. It is certainly a far cry from what I've grown to known and understand of the casualness that our youth today view sex myself included. Although I have certain principles regarding the satisfaction of my human biological needs, meaning that I won't disregard all scruples in my pursuit of sex or my stand of not engaging in the services of prostitute, it was heartwarming to know that in these times where ONS and promiscuity is commonplace, there are others out there who gives a hoot before letting lust takes control of their mind. While these friends of mine, I'm sure are the minority, to put it crudely, aren't getting any, I'm sure they have made a conscientious decision on it and represents their matureness in dealing with the situation. I hypothesize and try to put myself in their shoes and I really couldn't be sure how exactly would I deal with it. Would I have cause duress and undue pressure on the relationship because I think virginity is overrated or would I respect her wish? I really don't know and maybe I dun wanto be in the situation to find out. Anyway for these two friends of mine, hats off to ya for doing what you think is the right thing, and you've earned my respect for this.

Anyway, I've gotten 2 online bloggies friend, please do visit their blog and I'm sure they'll provide entertainment aplenty with the humorous style of writing.
http://seastatefive.blogspot.com
http://sickofthis.blogspot.com

I suck at all this IT stuff and dunno how to put them up as links

2004-04-17T03:44:00.000+08:00

"This is not warcraft in space. It is much more sophisticated"
For the most ardent computer gaming freaks, I'm sure you'll now be itching to find that CD that you've chucked away somewhere because you know that its such a good game, and you'll revisit it again sometime in the future. Yes I'm talking about the best RTS ever made, the Blizzard monster created in 97, Starcraft. After some coaxing from my fren, I've decided to part with 40 big ones and bought myself a battlechest to relive the days of seeing my carrier battle group going up in smoke after being swarmed by a larger group of battlecruiser. Hell, I loses as often as I did 3 years ago, but I'm still having a helluva time getting my well rounded bottom kicked. Words cannot possibly fully extol the brilliance of this game, let's just say there are still hundreds of thousands of players logging on to battlenet everyday to engage in the slugfest 7 years after the game is launched. Its not that games like WC3 or C&C is no good, but rather Starcraft still sets the standard for comparision for RTS games, and is considered perfect by many gamers. The game is just as enjoyable for the newbie who just discovered the joy of bunkering up 4 marines against the zerglings as for the world champion who just killed 5 dragoons with his 5 scvs. The timely arrival of 1 more unit can swing the outcome of a battle decisively, or the superior micro skills which allowed for 2 seconds advantage in gathering 200 minerals can become painfully crippling. I cannot even begin to describe the high that I get after doing battle for half an hour, taking a breather with my face flushed and lighting up to cool my overheated brain fingers and visual sensors. I'll go as far as comparing to sex, it might even be better than sex!!! Hmmm, no wait, ok it doesn't compare to sex but its pretty darn close. WTF am I still doing here.....the allure of my high templars laying waste to a fleet of BCs enticeme to leave....

"My lack of control is indeed disturbing"

2004-04-11T02:24:00.000+08:00

I LOVE JD!!

Anyway, she replied and waddaya know, ITS HER!!!! Woohoo, I mean outta the 38,547 person that have the same name, I could tell that she's the one....what does that goes to show??? We've got a special connection!! I make myself wanna puke and its not from an overdose of alcohol. ANyway you've gotta love the kewl reply that she sent me ass, somewhere along the line...of cos its me who else can it be....soooo kewl so refined such beauty and elegance, no of cos she din say that but she's swell......snap outta it me imbecile.....stop this public display of contemptible disgusting behaviour.....but but but its her!!!!!! surely that is excuse enough for my humiliating bravura. Before I loose myself argueing with myself, I must by now realise that fact that my fate is consigned to worshipping the one goddess for the rest of this miserable life. Bad Karma! Its the only way that I can explain the strange phenomenal of such utter devotion to a single person for 10 freaking years.(In case you haven notice 10 years makes up a substantial part of my existence up to now) Did somebody sneeze, I swore I heard a ,"Woooser". FUCK YOU! and its not my alcohol speaking.

To the many well wishers and intelligent ppl in my life that has given the heart felt advice,"Give it up....she's not worth it....blah blah blah!" Thank you very much, I appreciate the genuine concern and wise admonition....20 years later when the dust have settled and with my dying breath when I finally see the true light, I will send you a SMS telling you that you are right and I am deluded and I'm glad to have such a wonderful friend as yourself. Right now please bear with me, I'm such a pain I know but its my choice. And now the disclaimer. If you are an ex-lover of mine, I'm sorry that I put you through such an ordeal of never being the one foremost in my heart, my sincerest apology....I can only say you are all great girls, if only....Sorry! I mean it. I hope if there is a next life I can make it up to all of you one way or the other.

Yeah for all of you who think I'm such a bastard, my only defence is that I took a long shot hoping that there may be someone out there who will dislodge the firm grip this person who I have not seen in years have on my heart. SO far no one has been successful, but I can only hope that someone can deliver me from evil(I din mean to call u evil, its a figure of speech), or I can finally end up together with her which has an even more remote chance. I'm not torturing myself(Yes, I like pain but this is too much even for my tolerance), but I refuse to deceive myself just to feel better.

Ah crap, i've rambled on for too long. DId I mentioned she's gorgeous and such a GODDESS???

2004-04-10T16:09:00.000+08:00

Its so damn ain't over. For those of you who knows who I'm talking about, yes I'm a LOOOOSER!! I mean there I was happily joining the new fad on the net with my very own friendster account, vilifying and terrorizing everyone that happens to have the insane karmic retribution to be associated to me in the broad general classification as a friend, looking for new victims when I come across THE NAME. Friend of a friend of a friend blah blah blah, you know how those things work. Reading the testimonials put up by her friends left me utterly convinced that the person is indeed her, I mean why do I even bother rite? I've practically swore off never to be infatuated after 10 FREAKING YEARS, and life goes on. But there I was lying to myself(God, I hate that), no its just a friend thingy, I mean this's friendster for crying out loud. It took me the whole of 16 hours with 2 tests in between them, with incessant "should I" or "should I not" screaming at each other in my skull. Finally like aliens in the far away star of Alpha Centuari, I decided to make contact with the puny earthlings after swooping around unnoticed like an eagle in the sky for its prey. If that's not proof enough, my reaction after that was pathetic to say the least. I changed back to my home page, frantically analysing everything that the bunch of nincomputs, for lack of a better word in my head at that time, penned as my testimonials. I mean I've got an image to maintain before THE ONE. I can't have her find out any flaws that I might even remotely have chance of possessing. I was going to weild the mighty sword of censorship until it all became so apparent to me. I did not care what everyone else finds out about me, but I gets so worried that she will find out(not that there's anything really sinister about me), the realisation dawned upon me, IT"S STILL AIN"T FREAKING OVER!!!!, and I'll be damned.

2004-04-09T21:48:00.000+08:00

I've got 2 freaking tests tmr and here I am trying to add a new entry, not that I've something important to write. Its my nature to procrastinate and delay putting off what I am suppose to do. Speaking of test, it seems that my inherent ability to pass test without any mugging or studying has deserted me. Horror horror, I may actually have to start studying for written examinations. It's a frightful thought, one more so because of my procrastinating nature and its been so long since I did any studying I think I have forgotten how it should be done. Crap! Ok the time now is 10p.m. and I better do go and study....ahhhhh a new sms, it seems that I'll be able to put it off some more. Someone's asking me to go out. Seeya. Let you know if I pass soon.

2004-04-08T20:54:00.000+08:00

Ah, tmr's gonna be Good Friday, suddenly I'm feeling religious and I'm not even a Christian. God it feels good to finally have a public holiday to take a break from the monotony of work work and more work. For those of you having a ultra long weekend....balls to you, I've gotta work thru the entire weekend. Anyway I'm still trying to let the reality of the fact that AC Milan got knocked out of the Champions League by Deportivo La Coruna sink slowly into me. The utter disbelief that I felt when I logged on and found out that Depor beat Milan 4-0 last nite, its logic defying and incredulous. AC Milan reigning European Champion 6 times winnder of the European/Champions League boasting talents like the evergreen Paolo Maldini, best defender in the world Paolo Nesta, the most complete striker in Adrivy Shevchenko, the prodigy of Kaka, the genius of Manuel Rui Costa, the imperious Clarence Seedorf, combative Gattuso, Andrea Pirlo, the safe hands of Dida, multiple world cup winner Cafu and of cos the razor sharp Pipo Inzaghi. Not since the class of 94 had we seen such class with combative prowess and defensive soundness in a team. The last great Milan Era of Arrihgo Sacchi with the Dutch Trio of Gullit, Ryikard and Van Basten is surely the other team that springs to mind. Football is indeed a funny thing though....and I'm still in shock....

2004-04-04T11:53:00.000+08:00

PASSION How many of us live life without passion? I stumbled upon this sad realisation that I'm trudging along in my execution of meaningful existence on planet earth devoid of passion. By passion I don not just mean there's no one that sets my beating heart fluttering and palpitating. Rather I'm saying that I've lost my passion for everything, I'm going about in life like a monotonous zombie. I simply cannot go about engaging in an activity with the child like enthusiasm anymore. Play game....sure, so I lost big deal. Check out that babe...woohoo nice face perfect legs, what has it gotta do with me? Tonite's the big game between AC Milan and Read Madrid....Inzaghi scores, ZZZzzzz....you get the drift. I have lost the passion for life. It sets me wondering how many of us, Singaporeans especially, being immersed in our relentless pursuit of the finer things in life, are inexorably having the sparkle in us squeezed physically out of our soul? Ponder over it the next time you have nothing to do(Thats probably 25 years down the road and you're retired).....are you being zombified?

NO, the above axiom does not serve as validation for my incessant alcoholic behaviour, and NO I do not have passion for drinking.

2004-03-30T20:22:00.000+08:00

In approximately 1 1/2 hours time, I'm gonna indulge myself to one of my favoured activities. The physical intake of alcoholic substance of varying concentration!! The running joke amongst me bunch of derelict miscreant buddies, is that if i have it my way, i'll be put on drip, and no its not glucose or what u have it inside but pure alcohol. Its kinda sad to me personally that my good name is being tarnished by my love of spirits. Alcoholic, I am not....just a tad zealous when the bottle is popped. Anyway, I'm kinda excited that I'm going drinking tonite...cause its my first drink in lemme count....11 freaking days. Yes its true...i've not touched the devil's brew for 264 hours.....15840 mins.......950400 seconds!!!! Bummer ya. Ok ok for those of you groaning already.....I know what my doctor told me....but but but, I'll drink in moderation. really do miss the times when my rotund friend Daryl, or as Thomas will call him Fat Ass, is still in SG. This fella I tell you....he can drink! With Thomas(yes thats you Mr Liew) exiling himself for similar medical conditions as myself, I'm hard pressed to find serious drinking kakis. A certain Mr Lau might vehemently protest this....yup u'll right up there as well. So all in all, I'm going through a rehab of sorts....until the next time one of my friends gets depressed over a painful breakup(yummy) or Thomas gets a liver transplant(I'm salivating already), I'll not see the days of copious infusement of alcohol returning. Fret not though for I see light at the end of the tunnel.....I'm hearing rumors...just sweet music nonetheless that Joan is becoming a formidable opponent....I'm trembling with excitement already. Meanwhile, my half finished bottle of JD is tantalizing me to savour its sweet aroma as apetitizer for the main course to follow. I believe I'll comply.....

2004-03-29T16:30:00.000+08:00

Eat your heart out suckers!!! I'm back at home at 4:30pm from work....muahahaha! I got the time log to prove it.
What intelectually stimulating topics should i embark on today now that i can muse at the comfort of my nest?? Are Britney's twin peaks the real deal? Nay...too boring. Will Madrid win the CHampion's league? Too technical....Ahhhh I know....how to increase the birth rates in Sillypore. Nay... thats too depressing. Seems like I've got no good contributions for the intellectuals again...well screw the intellectuals( hey that's a concept that might work yah?), so i shall talk about hmmmm nothing....seems that I'm not as smart as I might think....damn.

2004-03-29T12:35:00.000+08:00

Bah Humbug.... I dun know whats gotten over me that I have decided to commit my nonsensical ramblings over the internet....My intense desire to share my many wonderful conspiracy theories or my innate desire to have my work of arts appreciated by those unfortunate enough to be coerced by me here or even the pure random bad luck you have stumbled upon this literature of bull shit. See I'm rambling already....well i dun give a hoot...and sue me if this makes for bad reading(even if i force you here) tough!

Boy it feels good to be doing this during office hours, even though its lunch hours but I REPEAT, BOY it feels good to know that I am still getting paid by the hour while I posting this crap. For those of you already putting a value on my work ettics out of plain jealousy or trully high moral obligations you have towards your employers....balls to you....I do it because I can and there's absolutely nothing...zip....nada that you or your oh so high and mighty values can do about it.

And so the ramblings continue.....