Friday, January 21, 2005
For the past 3 weeks the following 3 words have been ringing in my head- ONE MORE YEAR. (Yes, I can hear the collective groans, but....) This year will be different. Its finally over. I finally have closure.
It all began 10 years ago on the second day of school. Sitting in left hand corner of the first row of the chemistry laboratory, was this slim girl wearing the unmistakable uniform and hair style of PLMGS. She was talking almost incessantly to another PLMGS girl sitting besides her, flashing periodically her beautiful smile. From that moment on, I was hooked. I was also confused, for this bundle of boundless energy had not been my idea of a dream girl. I thought that its only a matter of days when someone more interesting capivate me. And boy was I mistaken!
Trying not to appear weird to my frens, I've always thrown up names of classmates to be my alleged love interest, since it was the age where the male hormones are raging. I've never actually been interested with any one of my previous scandals, and when pressed by my new classmates, I announced that I was weak at the knees over one of our classmates. She was a convenient screen for she already had a bf at that time and it'll be so understandable if I do not actively pursue her. After numerous class outings, I knew I was done for. Never before had I felt so intense a feeling of fondness for anyone. This PL girl had unknowingly in her own uniquely charming self captured my soul. I was however contented to be secretly in love with her for I thought the days ahead are plentiful, and I was just happy that I'm able to see her everyday in school. It all went suddenly very wrong.
When the O'levels results were released, her L1R5 was a very good 10 points and she was entitled to choose AJC which is a much better school, and all her good frens were actually in there. I was resigned never to see her again and suddenly everything was bleak. I never felt so lost, weak and terrible before. Despite my own selfish intentions, I urged her to choose AJC for it was best for her. Also I thought that I won't know if she found someone else in the school and it will certainly be less painful if she stayed here and end up with someone else. She stayed! And I nearly became religious.
Despite being in different faculties, there were still numerous opportunities for me to see her. I attended some maths lectures on friday and skipped nearly half a year of PE lessons even though it was my favourite lessons, for my PE lessons was after hers and it was the time for their break. I also choose to be part of the librarian comunity as she too choose it as her ECA, and to this day the look of ridicule I got from frens tells me how absurd it was. No one could imagine that someone like me was actually a librarian. I was however contented to be good friends and nothing more. Deep down inside I've always known that I'm not good enough for her and she sees me as nothing more than a friend.
After more than a year, somehow through the miracles of crystal ball gazing, my frens realised that I had been throwing smokescreens all the time. EVeryone starts pestering me that I should force the issue and get an answer from the girl. SOmehow I knew rejection was on the cards and didn't want to be woken up from my dream that maybe someday, one day, we'll be more than frens. Then on 19th June 1996, for the first time in my life and to date the only time in my life where I told a girl I like her. It didn't end pretty, I was devastated. I nearly quitted school for it was too much to bear to go to school everyday, see her and unable to talk to her. I cut myself out totally from everyone else and didn't care about anything. Then the A'levels came. The whole exam was a sham, I didn't really cared if I got into uni, I just got the whole thing over and done with.
After the results were released, I choose the exact same sequence of choices as she did. All I wanted was to be able to see her in school again even though it's only for a year after I served my 2 year NS. As fate would have it, I got the first choice and she didn't, and guess what this lovelorn fool did? I applied the second year to business admin school. The chance then presented itself to me where I was promised that I would be able to attend uni 1 year earlier if I were to sign on. Even though I was always the anarchist, and hated the rigid systems of military and government organisation, I signed on with the military, sending shock waves through my network of frens who were positive I had gone bonkers. I didn't get to go uni earlier thus reinforcing my hatred for the military. It was also during my stint in the military that I lived the happiest day of my life on th 29th August 1998 where I caught the show Small Soldiers with her alone. To this day I can remember the silly grin I wore on my face the whole day. She looked absolutely stunning in her white blouse and jeans, and I've loved girls who dressed like that ever since.
When I went into uni in 1999, she was already in her third year and already had a steady bf who is still together to this day. Given the fluid nature of lessons and classes, I had to rely on chance meetings to even catch a glimpse of her. Everytime I did see her, stupidity incarnate would be the best word to describe my behaviour. I did everything within what measly control I had of my bodily functions to prevent myself from gawking, then again hardly the most intelligent words sprouted from my mouth. My gf at that time was resigned that she would not be able to displace her from my heart and even the subsequents ones as well. Since her leaving university in 2000, I had not had the chance to see her again. I do still manage to keep in touch via phone and smses. What I do certainly appreciate was that with my constant barages of ridiculous smses sometimes in the strangest hour, she had always remained civil. I had been so very thick-skinned and shameless to not acknowledge that she's doing so because she does not wants to hurt my feelings. Such is the greatness of character that she possesses, along with her beauty and intelligence, she'll always remain the perfect woman to me.
Perfect though she may be, it is now time for me to let go. I can't possibly to be so unabashed about my irritating intrusions and disturbances through these years. The exasperations she must have felt each time she receive my sms wondering when I'm going to give up. So as off today, its best that I get over her, THE ONE GODDESS, finally.
Goodbye Kelly.
|
It all began 10 years ago on the second day of school. Sitting in left hand corner of the first row of the chemistry laboratory, was this slim girl wearing the unmistakable uniform and hair style of PLMGS. She was talking almost incessantly to another PLMGS girl sitting besides her, flashing periodically her beautiful smile. From that moment on, I was hooked. I was also confused, for this bundle of boundless energy had not been my idea of a dream girl. I thought that its only a matter of days when someone more interesting capivate me. And boy was I mistaken!
Trying not to appear weird to my frens, I've always thrown up names of classmates to be my alleged love interest, since it was the age where the male hormones are raging. I've never actually been interested with any one of my previous scandals, and when pressed by my new classmates, I announced that I was weak at the knees over one of our classmates. She was a convenient screen for she already had a bf at that time and it'll be so understandable if I do not actively pursue her. After numerous class outings, I knew I was done for. Never before had I felt so intense a feeling of fondness for anyone. This PL girl had unknowingly in her own uniquely charming self captured my soul. I was however contented to be secretly in love with her for I thought the days ahead are plentiful, and I was just happy that I'm able to see her everyday in school. It all went suddenly very wrong.
When the O'levels results were released, her L1R5 was a very good 10 points and she was entitled to choose AJC which is a much better school, and all her good frens were actually in there. I was resigned never to see her again and suddenly everything was bleak. I never felt so lost, weak and terrible before. Despite my own selfish intentions, I urged her to choose AJC for it was best for her. Also I thought that I won't know if she found someone else in the school and it will certainly be less painful if she stayed here and end up with someone else. She stayed! And I nearly became religious.
Despite being in different faculties, there were still numerous opportunities for me to see her. I attended some maths lectures on friday and skipped nearly half a year of PE lessons even though it was my favourite lessons, for my PE lessons was after hers and it was the time for their break. I also choose to be part of the librarian comunity as she too choose it as her ECA, and to this day the look of ridicule I got from frens tells me how absurd it was. No one could imagine that someone like me was actually a librarian. I was however contented to be good friends and nothing more. Deep down inside I've always known that I'm not good enough for her and she sees me as nothing more than a friend.
After more than a year, somehow through the miracles of crystal ball gazing, my frens realised that I had been throwing smokescreens all the time. EVeryone starts pestering me that I should force the issue and get an answer from the girl. SOmehow I knew rejection was on the cards and didn't want to be woken up from my dream that maybe someday, one day, we'll be more than frens. Then on 19th June 1996, for the first time in my life and to date the only time in my life where I told a girl I like her. It didn't end pretty, I was devastated. I nearly quitted school for it was too much to bear to go to school everyday, see her and unable to talk to her. I cut myself out totally from everyone else and didn't care about anything. Then the A'levels came. The whole exam was a sham, I didn't really cared if I got into uni, I just got the whole thing over and done with.
After the results were released, I choose the exact same sequence of choices as she did. All I wanted was to be able to see her in school again even though it's only for a year after I served my 2 year NS. As fate would have it, I got the first choice and she didn't, and guess what this lovelorn fool did? I applied the second year to business admin school. The chance then presented itself to me where I was promised that I would be able to attend uni 1 year earlier if I were to sign on. Even though I was always the anarchist, and hated the rigid systems of military and government organisation, I signed on with the military, sending shock waves through my network of frens who were positive I had gone bonkers. I didn't get to go uni earlier thus reinforcing my hatred for the military. It was also during my stint in the military that I lived the happiest day of my life on th 29th August 1998 where I caught the show Small Soldiers with her alone. To this day I can remember the silly grin I wore on my face the whole day. She looked absolutely stunning in her white blouse and jeans, and I've loved girls who dressed like that ever since.
When I went into uni in 1999, she was already in her third year and already had a steady bf who is still together to this day. Given the fluid nature of lessons and classes, I had to rely on chance meetings to even catch a glimpse of her. Everytime I did see her, stupidity incarnate would be the best word to describe my behaviour. I did everything within what measly control I had of my bodily functions to prevent myself from gawking, then again hardly the most intelligent words sprouted from my mouth. My gf at that time was resigned that she would not be able to displace her from my heart and even the subsequents ones as well. Since her leaving university in 2000, I had not had the chance to see her again. I do still manage to keep in touch via phone and smses. What I do certainly appreciate was that with my constant barages of ridiculous smses sometimes in the strangest hour, she had always remained civil. I had been so very thick-skinned and shameless to not acknowledge that she's doing so because she does not wants to hurt my feelings. Such is the greatness of character that she possesses, along with her beauty and intelligence, she'll always remain the perfect woman to me.
Perfect though she may be, it is now time for me to let go. I can't possibly to be so unabashed about my irritating intrusions and disturbances through these years. The exasperations she must have felt each time she receive my sms wondering when I'm going to give up. So as off today, its best that I get over her, THE ONE GODDESS, finally.
Goodbye Kelly.
