Sunday, November 28, 2004
ITS THE ONE GODDESS'S BIRTHDAY TODAY!!
N i still haven decide what present to buy yet. Time to go shopping.
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N i still haven decide what present to buy yet. Time to go shopping.
Tuesday, November 23, 2004
Another one of my many batch boys just got married the day past, it was a long term affair for 7 freaking long years. Call me a sentimental sissy, but everytime i attend a wedding of frens, i get all mussy inside thinking how great a communion it was for 2 person who love each other deeply enough to take the plunge. Given the commitment-phobia that yours truly is unfortuitously suffering from, marriage seems like an all together abhorrent event. However whenever I find myself at weddings, the same question will inevitably pop up. Which are the ladies unfortunate enough for me to have such adoring longing for that I'll condemn myself to be the slave of. The second person that springs to mind would be the babelicious Jaime Ong. And the first (Drumrolls.....)..................The One Goddess!!!!!!!!!!!! So much for suspense ya?
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Monday, November 08, 2004
Much has happened since I last blogged. Bush won the presidential elections again, Mr Arafat seems to have died after trying for 40 years to create the Palestinian state. Arsenal lost their unbeaten run. But instead the issues that sets me thinking have instead been the interpersonal developings of peeps around me. First of all, my old buddy of many years derek AKA spider has decided to tie the knot with his gf of many years and the wedding's to be held later this month. 2 other female frens have respectively hooked up with a guy and another have broken up with a guy.
First of all spidey ole man. While I've always realised that he's maturity is undoubted, but little do I expect him to tie the knot at the tender young age of 27. K 27 isn't exactly a record breaking age for young marriage but the realities of seeing so many of my peers and frens getting married finally hit me. Its the norm for peeps or guys to get married at around this age, in fact my idea of ideal age for marriage though tampered with other considerations as far as I'm concerned, is the abnormality. While he's not exactly god's gift to women but I've always rated him quite high up the desirability table, given his wits and style. He's got the grand total of 1 relationship his entire life and he's getting married to the girl. I've always advised him, correctly or not, to start a relationship with someone else whenever there was a temporal breakup, but he never listens to this old man here. All said and done, I realised that I've always maintained that I'm not ready for marriage either financially or emotionally and have always been baffled with fren's decision to get married. For me, marriage is truely frightening, the abhorrations of going home each day after work to keep the wifey company and being directly responsible whether the few hours spent at home is joyous, boring, quarrelsome or otherwise is overbearing. Its not the dread of facing the same person everyday thats apprehensive but having another person's life being so directly related to what I do thats scary. I'm sure that made me sound like the biggest fattest MCP around but I beg to differ. It means that whatever I do, I will always have lurking at the back of my mind what and how that will affect my spouse. Eg go out with colleague for a drink after work would mean that I hope that the wifey has also made plans with her frens and we'll coordinate our timings back home so that she won't be alone at home and bored. If not, leaving the wifey home watching tv while I'm drinking would cut terribly into my consciences and I'm sure I won't be able to enjoy myself. Or as in my present life, whenever I feels like I need some solitude, I'll just go home, lock myself in my room and I'll be pleasantly alone with myself. This would not be possible when the wifey's around cos she'll try to find out what's wrong when nothing's amiss. And somehow women have difficulty understanding that men needs time to be alone. In short, its just that when 2 person's life become so intricately intertwined, there's nothing that one would do or not that will not affect the other adversely or not. I'm not ready to accept this.
Still on the topic of marriage. I've always taken for granted that when the time comes where I decided that I'm ready for marriage or decide that I wanna get married, I would be able to. This meaning either I'll be marrying THE ONE GODDESS or I've gotten over her and the intendee is someone I love dearly too. This apparently is not the case. First of all, after much deliberation, given the scenario where I'm at the altar, ready to kiss the bride, and THE ONE GODDESS asks me not to get married, I'll have no second thoughts of walking away. Such is the utter helpless devotion that yours truly is binded to. Given also the highly remote chances that my fairy tale will have a happy ending, rules out the first possiblity as well. However with the recent worrying remarks that some of my frens who are genuinely concerned about my lack of emotional attachments, brought the hiterto unanalyzed possiblity that I might be left on the sheft to limelight. While I've always known I'm not exactly unresistable, I always thought that I'll eventually find someone I love who in turn will love me back. Or rather I've never thought about who is person might be, and upon closer scrutiny, I realised that the concerns were not unfounded. Gasp!!! I'm totally undesirable!!! HAHA!!! BUT, there's always a BUT! I've also realised that I'm perfectly at ease to spending my life without a partner, living a life where there's just me myself and utter devo......erm I mean I. Perhaps thats exactly why peeps around me are so concerned with my inability to find a gf and I'm perfectly happy to stay single and no end of the tunnel in sight.
As I've stated earlier, contrasting fortunes befell two of my female frens and its so amazing to me why one is like so over the moon happy with a new bf and one is so adversely affected by a breakup. I realised I did not grin from ear to ear everytime I hooked up with a girl previously and neither did I shed a single tear everytime the relationship ended. The experiences of my frens made me realise the other side of a relationship. How much it means to the girls, or perhaps normal girls. True, given the unique situation where I was still pinning for THE ONE GODDESS everytime I get into a new relationship, its still pretty farfetched for me to be so emotionally involved. Perhaps I'm just weird???
Anyway have been restraining myself from contacting THE ONE GODDESS and keeping SMSes to a minimal and I discover it to be much more of a toll than my quitting smoking and I realised I can't effectively quit from both addictions at the same time. Nicotine have once again invaded my lungs. The resignation that I'll have to make good the resolution of totally blocking all thoughts and deleting from memory the one love in my life come Jan 2 2005, warrants my gradual progress to forcibly get over her. And its damn farking painful at the moment. SIGHS!
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First of all spidey ole man. While I've always realised that he's maturity is undoubted, but little do I expect him to tie the knot at the tender young age of 27. K 27 isn't exactly a record breaking age for young marriage but the realities of seeing so many of my peers and frens getting married finally hit me. Its the norm for peeps or guys to get married at around this age, in fact my idea of ideal age for marriage though tampered with other considerations as far as I'm concerned, is the abnormality. While he's not exactly god's gift to women but I've always rated him quite high up the desirability table, given his wits and style. He's got the grand total of 1 relationship his entire life and he's getting married to the girl. I've always advised him, correctly or not, to start a relationship with someone else whenever there was a temporal breakup, but he never listens to this old man here. All said and done, I realised that I've always maintained that I'm not ready for marriage either financially or emotionally and have always been baffled with fren's decision to get married. For me, marriage is truely frightening, the abhorrations of going home each day after work to keep the wifey company and being directly responsible whether the few hours spent at home is joyous, boring, quarrelsome or otherwise is overbearing. Its not the dread of facing the same person everyday thats apprehensive but having another person's life being so directly related to what I do thats scary. I'm sure that made me sound like the biggest fattest MCP around but I beg to differ. It means that whatever I do, I will always have lurking at the back of my mind what and how that will affect my spouse. Eg go out with colleague for a drink after work would mean that I hope that the wifey has also made plans with her frens and we'll coordinate our timings back home so that she won't be alone at home and bored. If not, leaving the wifey home watching tv while I'm drinking would cut terribly into my consciences and I'm sure I won't be able to enjoy myself. Or as in my present life, whenever I feels like I need some solitude, I'll just go home, lock myself in my room and I'll be pleasantly alone with myself. This would not be possible when the wifey's around cos she'll try to find out what's wrong when nothing's amiss. And somehow women have difficulty understanding that men needs time to be alone. In short, its just that when 2 person's life become so intricately intertwined, there's nothing that one would do or not that will not affect the other adversely or not. I'm not ready to accept this.
Still on the topic of marriage. I've always taken for granted that when the time comes where I decided that I'm ready for marriage or decide that I wanna get married, I would be able to. This meaning either I'll be marrying THE ONE GODDESS or I've gotten over her and the intendee is someone I love dearly too. This apparently is not the case. First of all, after much deliberation, given the scenario where I'm at the altar, ready to kiss the bride, and THE ONE GODDESS asks me not to get married, I'll have no second thoughts of walking away. Such is the utter helpless devotion that yours truly is binded to. Given also the highly remote chances that my fairy tale will have a happy ending, rules out the first possiblity as well. However with the recent worrying remarks that some of my frens who are genuinely concerned about my lack of emotional attachments, brought the hiterto unanalyzed possiblity that I might be left on the sheft to limelight. While I've always known I'm not exactly unresistable, I always thought that I'll eventually find someone I love who in turn will love me back. Or rather I've never thought about who is person might be, and upon closer scrutiny, I realised that the concerns were not unfounded. Gasp!!! I'm totally undesirable!!! HAHA!!! BUT, there's always a BUT! I've also realised that I'm perfectly at ease to spending my life without a partner, living a life where there's just me myself and utter devo......erm I mean I. Perhaps thats exactly why peeps around me are so concerned with my inability to find a gf and I'm perfectly happy to stay single and no end of the tunnel in sight.
As I've stated earlier, contrasting fortunes befell two of my female frens and its so amazing to me why one is like so over the moon happy with a new bf and one is so adversely affected by a breakup. I realised I did not grin from ear to ear everytime I hooked up with a girl previously and neither did I shed a single tear everytime the relationship ended. The experiences of my frens made me realise the other side of a relationship. How much it means to the girls, or perhaps normal girls. True, given the unique situation where I was still pinning for THE ONE GODDESS everytime I get into a new relationship, its still pretty farfetched for me to be so emotionally involved. Perhaps I'm just weird???
Anyway have been restraining myself from contacting THE ONE GODDESS and keeping SMSes to a minimal and I discover it to be much more of a toll than my quitting smoking and I realised I can't effectively quit from both addictions at the same time. Nicotine have once again invaded my lungs. The resignation that I'll have to make good the resolution of totally blocking all thoughts and deleting from memory the one love in my life come Jan 2 2005, warrants my gradual progress to forcibly get over her. And its damn farking painful at the moment. SIGHS!
