Wednesday, July 28, 2004
I hardly have mood swings, I almost never get angry at ppl and stress is something altogether quite alien to me. I'm almost always phlegmatic and nonchalant. But for the last few days, there's this persistent feeling of discomfort hanging in the region above my lower back thats quite surreal. I've not have this feeling for a damn farking long time that I almost forgot about it. It always happen when I'm imbalance and when I couldn't resolve something that's bugging me, unable to achieve inner peace and makes me generally irritable. It's almost like anger but milder. Its making me grouchy. I'm disturbed. I am not balanced. I can't describe the feeling, its either you get it or you dun. I dun feel like writing anymore.
Why oh why am I getting this way? I dun really know the details but its got something to do along the line of me just knowing this person who bears a striking resemblence to my longest running crush of ten years. And she sounds almost like her too. I dun know whats causing me so much vexation. I dun know if its feelings of fondness brewing inside of me for this new person that threatens my utter devotion hitherto been intransigent or or or..... I dun know if its irritation caused by the possibility that there's someone who's so similar to THE GODDESS or just frustration at my ineptness and feebleness to successfully woo this new love. Or its really damaging me enormous ego that I'm unable or unwilling to make this girl like me. Or just maybe I'm angry with my stubborness that I dun want a replacement for the genuine item and thus unwilling to actively pursue her even though I'm fond of her. Hmm, I think that's it. Whenever I get this irksome feeling, its because I can't live with myself or can't reconcile my own internal differences. The irritation that is derived in not of an external source. That's it!! Even though I'm very much attracted to this girl, I refuse to wanto like her because its wrong. I shouldn't fall for someone because she looks like someone else.
I'm getting some flashbacks again!! 10 years ago, as my fingers trembled when I dialed her home number for the very first time, as my heart was palpitating at a very unhealthy rate, and the relief when her mum told me she's not in. I wonder if I fortunate enough to experience those wonderful feelings. Anxiety can be such a wonderful feeling to savour. I'm really looking forward to my yearly bout of anxiety attack come november 28 when I call her to let her know I left her birthday present at her door. I'm sick!
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Why oh why am I getting this way? I dun really know the details but its got something to do along the line of me just knowing this person who bears a striking resemblence to my longest running crush of ten years. And she sounds almost like her too. I dun know whats causing me so much vexation. I dun know if its feelings of fondness brewing inside of me for this new person that threatens my utter devotion hitherto been intransigent or or or..... I dun know if its irritation caused by the possibility that there's someone who's so similar to THE GODDESS or just frustration at my ineptness and feebleness to successfully woo this new love. Or its really damaging me enormous ego that I'm unable or unwilling to make this girl like me. Or just maybe I'm angry with my stubborness that I dun want a replacement for the genuine item and thus unwilling to actively pursue her even though I'm fond of her. Hmm, I think that's it. Whenever I get this irksome feeling, its because I can't live with myself or can't reconcile my own internal differences. The irritation that is derived in not of an external source. That's it!! Even though I'm very much attracted to this girl, I refuse to wanto like her because its wrong. I shouldn't fall for someone because she looks like someone else.
I'm getting some flashbacks again!! 10 years ago, as my fingers trembled when I dialed her home number for the very first time, as my heart was palpitating at a very unhealthy rate, and the relief when her mum told me she's not in. I wonder if I fortunate enough to experience those wonderful feelings. Anxiety can be such a wonderful feeling to savour. I'm really looking forward to my yearly bout of anxiety attack come november 28 when I call her to let her know I left her birthday present at her door. I'm sick!
Sunday, July 11, 2004
I HATE VODKA
Yes, I know my weakness for some intoxicants with from time to time serve as a palliative relief for the disease known otherwise as my life, but vodka taste really horrible. And contrary to popular belief again, it did not soothe the anguish of my losing 600 bucks at the slots machines. Coupled with a bad Euro, it could means that finally I'll be lucky in luuurve. Then again I'm not much of a believer in ancient chinese superstitions, so it could mean the other thing. It's a divine sign from some higher powers that I shall bring an end to my illustrious gambling career. Whilst I'm at it, I should prolly quit smoking and drinking. Afterall Vodka tastes really horrible. Hmmm, lemme ponder about it after I return from the race tracks.
Anyway, it feels good to have vindication of my predilection in appreciation of beauty of the gentler gender, coming from a certified beauty no less. Thank you Joan.
Screw the cow, grass chomping bovine should stick to passing comments like ,"MOO MOO MOO MOO".
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Yes, I know my weakness for some intoxicants with from time to time serve as a palliative relief for the disease known otherwise as my life, but vodka taste really horrible. And contrary to popular belief again, it did not soothe the anguish of my losing 600 bucks at the slots machines. Coupled with a bad Euro, it could means that finally I'll be lucky in luuurve. Then again I'm not much of a believer in ancient chinese superstitions, so it could mean the other thing. It's a divine sign from some higher powers that I shall bring an end to my illustrious gambling career. Whilst I'm at it, I should prolly quit smoking and drinking. Afterall Vodka tastes really horrible. Hmmm, lemme ponder about it after I return from the race tracks.
Anyway, it feels good to have vindication of my predilection in appreciation of beauty of the gentler gender, coming from a certified beauty no less. Thank you Joan.
Screw the cow, grass chomping bovine should stick to passing comments like ,"MOO MOO MOO MOO".
Friday, July 02, 2004
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I must vehemently protest the previous accusations by da cow for my apparent lack of taste in appreciation of beauty in girls. Posted above is the depictions of epitome of beauty in a girl's eyes, and to moi the eyes are the most important aspect when looking for beauty in a girl's features.
Thank you, and have a nice day.
