Tuesday, May 11, 2004
Just after I've sounded so saintly about myself in my last post, I'm gonna kick myself in the foot this time round by saying that I've totally screwed up a supposedly night of fun for 2 of my very good frens. I'm terribly guilt-stricken at the moment, not felt since a long time back when I was actually attached. The previous incident was that I made my then gf stayed around in the coffeeshop with me while I chatted with my frens until ghoulish hours into the nite, having scant regard for the fact that she had got to work the next day. After thrashing out with her that nite, I realised the whole episode was my fault and I felt terrible about myself. While I'm no saint but I have always felt that I had done the right thing almost all the time maybe save for this 2 incidents where I totally and utterly screwed up. Besides being completely disappointed with myself for being such an inconsiderate person, I had misplace the trust that my frens had about me. I can't even begin to say how sorry I was about both incidents because I belief in both instances I couldn't apologise enough. I had done what I always felt was the ultimate no no in frenships taking another person for granted and I was convicted of such a crime, I'm feeling totally disgusted with myself now that I can't face myself...arrrgh. I also think that guilt is one of the worse thing that a person can feel.....it eats into you all the time making one like oneself lesser and lesser until breaking point or something drastic happens.....I feel so disgusted at myself now I can't bear to type anymore....
ANyway Sharon and Joan, if u'r reading this, I'm terribly sorry.
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ANyway Sharon and Joan, if u'r reading this, I'm terribly sorry.
Monday, May 10, 2004
The combined effect of too much breathing in too much fishy air and my 2nd helping of the movie Dawn of the Dead had perhaps warped my sense of rationality and realism. I mean who wouldn't be just a lil wacky from so much time spent confined in a 50m ship. My imagination may be a lil too licentious but hey, its just a thought. For those of u who had watched the show and actually spent some time thinking about it (So, its a B grade horror movie but doesn't mean it's entirely fatuous), instead of oggling at Sarah Polley's rack, it just leads me to wonder if Sg and its population were to be decimated by the spread of the zombifying virus and I escaped because I'm out in the sea, would I return to mainland Sg or make a run for it to some deserted isle? This is of cos based on the premise that any sort of institution has been uprooted by the zombies.
I thought long and hard about it, I'm not going in depth about how long and how hard..... Anyway I thought about what I had to lose if I stayed away. For one, I would never set eyes on a certain someone and that would be more than i can bear and I could not possibly rest easy not knowing if she made it through the epidemic alive or undead. I then thought about how distraught I became some time back when a rush of frens were getting married and I contemplated with the possibility that she might one day come to me telling me she's getting married. Of cos she din do that but just thinking about it made me go into depression for a few days and I still do not know if I'll be able to cope with that. This alone is reason enough for me to brave the bites. But there's more.
To me the defining aspect of life has got to be the frens that one make. Many of my frens would have realised by now the importance I place on friendship and won't think twice about jumping into the frying pan for them. Recieved a call at 2 a.m., "yo bro can come out for a while??" No questions asked, hoped on a cab 5 mins later. Received a sms,"Yo can I borrow a bit of money?" Check bank account, 20 days from payday left with 1k,"Erm I dun have much is 1k enough?" Anyway u ged the drift. Frens are what makes me me and forsaking 'em would have defied everything that I have lived for. Well I am not a hero and do not have superhuman abilities to boot and the bravado is not brought about by the fantasy of having played one rpg game too many or one fictatious movie too much, but how many of us can die for a cause that we believe in? I may not save 'em but at least I know I've tried and by not doing so, I won't be able to live with myself. Anyway I've gotten abit too righteous for my liking and this feeling of altruism is a one off thing and I'm sure I return to my true self of a Scum pretty soon.
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I thought long and hard about it, I'm not going in depth about how long and how hard..... Anyway I thought about what I had to lose if I stayed away. For one, I would never set eyes on a certain someone and that would be more than i can bear and I could not possibly rest easy not knowing if she made it through the epidemic alive or undead. I then thought about how distraught I became some time back when a rush of frens were getting married and I contemplated with the possibility that she might one day come to me telling me she's getting married. Of cos she din do that but just thinking about it made me go into depression for a few days and I still do not know if I'll be able to cope with that. This alone is reason enough for me to brave the bites. But there's more.
To me the defining aspect of life has got to be the frens that one make. Many of my frens would have realised by now the importance I place on friendship and won't think twice about jumping into the frying pan for them. Recieved a call at 2 a.m., "yo bro can come out for a while??" No questions asked, hoped on a cab 5 mins later. Received a sms,"Yo can I borrow a bit of money?" Check bank account, 20 days from payday left with 1k,"Erm I dun have much is 1k enough?" Anyway u ged the drift. Frens are what makes me me and forsaking 'em would have defied everything that I have lived for. Well I am not a hero and do not have superhuman abilities to boot and the bravado is not brought about by the fantasy of having played one rpg game too many or one fictatious movie too much, but how many of us can die for a cause that we believe in? I may not save 'em but at least I know I've tried and by not doing so, I won't be able to live with myself. Anyway I've gotten abit too righteous for my liking and this feeling of altruism is a one off thing and I'm sure I return to my true self of a Scum pretty soon.
Sunday, May 09, 2004
For the first time in 4 months I played football today. And 2 matches at that and boy did it disgust me. First of all for the many ardent fans of my footballing abilities, I've totally lost it. If ever I play footie with you again, I won;t be terrorizing you with the sight of Moiz dribbling past u leaving u looking like a fool. I'm appalled to discover the extent of my degradation in my footballing abilities. Case in point, I've the ball at my feet bearing down a 40++ old fart, saying that I'ld left him for dead smelling dust would have been an understatement, but no I just passed the ball to my team mate, afraid of losing the ball to the ole bugger. Worse, when the team manager asked me to play for the 2nd half, I politely turned him down for fear that my incompetence would cost the team. In better times, I'ld have taken all position because I'm better than the guy playing that position but now I'm chickening out of a game.The blasphemy of it all just makes me sick. I'm not half the player I was....worse I'm not good enough to play football. I've become the very weaklings that I've so despised all my life, an incompetent football player. The contempt that I held for guys with lesser skills will now be reciprocated on me. No not me, my 18 years of playing football surely count for something....but alas the days of guys clamouring to be on my teams seem like a distant past. It seems I'll never reach the heights that I've scaled ever again.
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Saturday, May 08, 2004
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Disclaimer: The owner of this site have no political allegiance, agenda or aspiration whatsoever.
It is with utmost contempt as I watch the political mudslinging of Mr Kerry and Mr Bush about their lack of military credentials....obviously both of them do not measure up to our very own Mr Lee HL. I mean since that fatal day of our Sentosa Cable-Car Mishap, where Mr Lee shot to fame and prominence and ultimately the deservedly rise to the rank of a Brigadier General which was in no part due to the ties he shared with the then PM Senior Lee. Bush, Kerry eat ya heart out talk about military credentials, come back when you are a General!!
When our very own PM Mr Goh, return from his various political visits to other countries, he would formally hand over the reins of the PAP to Mr Lee and with it also the leadership of our country. I mean, Mr Lee must be the best man for the job, undoubtedly....who else held such an impressive portfolio of defence education finance etc...especially more so after he had brought Singapore back from the economic slumps a few years ago, the quarter on quarter growth in excess of 7% was surely the genius of DA MAN. I mean even though our country never really did go into recession like in 1998....but but but it was after all a technical recession, which was brought about by the Asian Currency Crisis, 911 and Sars. Granted these were one off events and the economy was expected to recover if no such unexpected calamities were to continue to occur but it still shows that it was only with such astute management that the economy was able to recover. China's growth which brough about the spurt was totally unexpected and could not have been forsaw as an inevitability to eventual recovery. Also during the reign, kickbacks like ERS with varying amounts pegged to housing accomodations, increased GST, lowered income taxes produced the desired solutions for structural unemployments which was the culprit for the economic downturn. How these measures managed to eradicate structural unemployments, I don't know, if I do I could have became the Finance Minister.
If only we have more politicians with the capabilities of Mr Lee, then not only would he be able to turn the economy around with his Midas touch, he would have been appointed the defence minister. I mean in face of the impending terrorist attacks on our country, we would surely need the best man to oversee the establishment of our defence. I would definitely sleep more soundly if I know a man as capable as Mr Lee would oversee our defence, I am sure he did not assume the role because the economic recovery was of a more pressing nature and not because if Osama did strike our country successfully, it would represent a tarnish to an otherwise perfect record.
I am sure the future of our country is in good hands, I mean this guy have battled a financial crisis, a natural disaster, and more impresively cancer and won. It certainly does speaks volumes and the credentials speaks for themselves. NOL is just an unfortunate encounter and should not be delved on too much.
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It is with utmost contempt as I watch the political mudslinging of Mr Kerry and Mr Bush about their lack of military credentials....obviously both of them do not measure up to our very own Mr Lee HL. I mean since that fatal day of our Sentosa Cable-Car Mishap, where Mr Lee shot to fame and prominence and ultimately the deservedly rise to the rank of a Brigadier General which was in no part due to the ties he shared with the then PM Senior Lee. Bush, Kerry eat ya heart out talk about military credentials, come back when you are a General!!
When our very own PM Mr Goh, return from his various political visits to other countries, he would formally hand over the reins of the PAP to Mr Lee and with it also the leadership of our country. I mean, Mr Lee must be the best man for the job, undoubtedly....who else held such an impressive portfolio of defence education finance etc...especially more so after he had brought Singapore back from the economic slumps a few years ago, the quarter on quarter growth in excess of 7% was surely the genius of DA MAN. I mean even though our country never really did go into recession like in 1998....but but but it was after all a technical recession, which was brought about by the Asian Currency Crisis, 911 and Sars. Granted these were one off events and the economy was expected to recover if no such unexpected calamities were to continue to occur but it still shows that it was only with such astute management that the economy was able to recover. China's growth which brough about the spurt was totally unexpected and could not have been forsaw as an inevitability to eventual recovery. Also during the reign, kickbacks like ERS with varying amounts pegged to housing accomodations, increased GST, lowered income taxes produced the desired solutions for structural unemployments which was the culprit for the economic downturn. How these measures managed to eradicate structural unemployments, I don't know, if I do I could have became the Finance Minister.
If only we have more politicians with the capabilities of Mr Lee, then not only would he be able to turn the economy around with his Midas touch, he would have been appointed the defence minister. I mean in face of the impending terrorist attacks on our country, we would surely need the best man to oversee the establishment of our defence. I would definitely sleep more soundly if I know a man as capable as Mr Lee would oversee our defence, I am sure he did not assume the role because the economic recovery was of a more pressing nature and not because if Osama did strike our country successfully, it would represent a tarnish to an otherwise perfect record.
I am sure the future of our country is in good hands, I mean this guy have battled a financial crisis, a natural disaster, and more impresively cancer and won. It certainly does speaks volumes and the credentials speaks for themselves. NOL is just an unfortunate encounter and should not be delved on too much.
Tuesday, May 04, 2004
Just finished reading a new entry from one of me bloggies friend...check links on the right....go ahead click on 'em...just remember to come back though. And I discovered that me fren have a very different way of writing.....let's just say if she ever become erm lemme rephrase that, when she become rich and famous, she would not have shortages of notes to come up with her autoiography. She writes about what happens during the day, this gave me inspiration enough to try my clumsy hand at it.....So I think long and hard about it....real long and real hard...my life is boring....here goes a typical day in the life of yours truly.
Waked up pissed at 6a.m. cos I slept at 4. Went to work...piss off ppl there.....come back from work piss off more ppl at home....read toto result....get pissed myself for some retarded kid is gonna get handouts from Singapore Pools with my money.....log on go to me blog and gets more pissed cos the only hits on my blog are from myself....go drinking and see ppl gets pissed drunk....come home and take a piss from all the beer. Check blog again and goes to sleep at 4.
Then I realise that I do not that many things I feel happy or angry about during the course of the day....I mean I hardly feel anything cos I dun care. Nothing seems to make me happy, sad, angry, excited or emotional. GO play mahjong win some money, take money go drink. Watch footie, win some money, take money go drink. Call up some girl to ask for a date, gets rejected, go drink go home sleep. Call fren play number ball, win some money, go drink. GO online, play starcraft, gets my butt well and truly concavized, go to sleep. See extremely beautiful sexy long legged chiobu with some ugly twat with warts the size of well big warts, or with this 4 feet midget driving a ferrari(I swear he's wearing stilts to reach the pedals), go atm draw money go drink. My boss scolds me for being non-conformist, smile at him then go smoke. Sees unbelievably cute girl looking my way smiling, I check to see if my fly is open or my wad of fifties makes a huge bulge in my pants. Makes unbelievable shot in snooker, thinks I'm going to miss the next. Boss tells me my weekend is gone, I bring my sleeping pills to work. As if my life aint boring enough, I makes it even less interesting. I'm so well and truly screwed my life over. Maybe I should go for a drink tonite.
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Waked up pissed at 6a.m. cos I slept at 4. Went to work...piss off ppl there.....come back from work piss off more ppl at home....read toto result....get pissed myself for some retarded kid is gonna get handouts from Singapore Pools with my money.....log on go to me blog and gets more pissed cos the only hits on my blog are from myself....go drinking and see ppl gets pissed drunk....come home and take a piss from all the beer. Check blog again and goes to sleep at 4.
Then I realise that I do not that many things I feel happy or angry about during the course of the day....I mean I hardly feel anything cos I dun care. Nothing seems to make me happy, sad, angry, excited or emotional. GO play mahjong win some money, take money go drink. Watch footie, win some money, take money go drink. Call up some girl to ask for a date, gets rejected, go drink go home sleep. Call fren play number ball, win some money, go drink. GO online, play starcraft, gets my butt well and truly concavized, go to sleep. See extremely beautiful sexy long legged chiobu with some ugly twat with warts the size of well big warts, or with this 4 feet midget driving a ferrari(I swear he's wearing stilts to reach the pedals), go atm draw money go drink. My boss scolds me for being non-conformist, smile at him then go smoke. Sees unbelievably cute girl looking my way smiling, I check to see if my fly is open or my wad of fifties makes a huge bulge in my pants. Makes unbelievable shot in snooker, thinks I'm going to miss the next. Boss tells me my weekend is gone, I bring my sleeping pills to work. As if my life aint boring enough, I makes it even less interesting. I'm so well and truly screwed my life over. Maybe I should go for a drink tonite.
2 of my favourite players
Monday, May 03, 2004
2 very happy footballing results contrived to transpired last nite, Milan's beating AS Roma 1-0(Were anyone expecting any other scoreline?) to clinch the Scudetto for the 17th time and Leeds United going down to the Nationwide League. But I'm not spewing forth with mundanes about my love for Milan or hatred for Leeds.
Instead, the sounds of Kylie kept its swirling around in my head with the haunting Can't Get U Outta My Head. For u see, I've been thinking about this girl like all the time for the weekend that passed, ok not so much thinking about her but images of her keeps floating up in my chain of thoughts. Its like wake up log on to net....BAM image.....went to bathroom brush teeth...BAM...Hu 6 ta....du du ban ser hong zhong....BAM image....how much is it?.....Watching football on TV....BAM image.....here writing blog....BAM image. Its really farni though as I've never thought of the person in question to be my type and I'm sure it'll pass pretty quickly as with all my other infatuations 'cept for one really long obsessions. Yup that's got to be the best thing I should do....ged over it and consign myself to the worship for the ultimate devil for another 10 years.....just gimme a few more hours to slowly shove the resurfacing image into the dark recess of my warped mind. I'm quite sure it won't amount to anything anyway.
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Instead, the sounds of Kylie kept its swirling around in my head with the haunting Can't Get U Outta My Head. For u see, I've been thinking about this girl like all the time for the weekend that passed, ok not so much thinking about her but images of her keeps floating up in my chain of thoughts. Its like wake up log on to net....BAM image.....went to bathroom brush teeth...BAM...Hu 6 ta....du du ban ser hong zhong....BAM image....how much is it?.....Watching football on TV....BAM image.....here writing blog....BAM image. Its really farni though as I've never thought of the person in question to be my type and I'm sure it'll pass pretty quickly as with all my other infatuations 'cept for one really long obsessions. Yup that's got to be the best thing I should do....ged over it and consign myself to the worship for the ultimate devil for another 10 years.....just gimme a few more hours to slowly shove the resurfacing image into the dark recess of my warped mind. I'm quite sure it won't amount to anything anyway.
